When I first started blogging it was years ago, I think perhaps the first one was at Diaryland. I thought previously that it had been at Diary-x, but I believe I was wrong. I can't remember why I had started blogging. I didn't think it was all that great of a thing to do, spilling your life all over the internet is what it seemed to me that people were doing.
I have been thinking about this as I try, once again, to build this blog back up to mean something. It seems that every time I was on track and doing well, something would happen. A server would die and everything was lost because I was too naive to back things up. Something would happen and I didn't have the money to pay for the hosting, this happened twice with this domain and another. I was on my own and had completely forgot about having the expense. Although, I do blame the people I have my domain name with, not the people I have the site hosted at, they are great, just the domain name. They don't send any notification that you have a bill due or what the details of how they got the amount that you owe them. They send a bill and expect you to pay within FOUR days. Unless I live in the same county, there's noway that a check is going to get there in four days. Anyway, on to the original topic of this post.
When the site was gone, I missed blogging horribly and I understood more about why people blog. It's a way to get all that creativity out that's just waiting to burst. I have two blogs that I currently use regularly. I have Disillusioned and then I have a blog at LiveJournal, no I won't post the link here (if you find it, you find it) that I use for the privacy options they have. I had a blog over at WordPress while the site was down and it has fallen into ruins. I have thought about bringing it back recently as I brought another blog back over at BlogSpot.
I'm not sure exactly why I brought the one back over at BlogSpot other than the simple fact that I can use it to earn more money from PayPerPost once I get three months worth of posts and they approve it. This is the only thing I can think of why I had brought it back, but I think I may use it as a televsion show blog. I wouldn't mind having another blog to review books, either.
See, this is how I think. But this is my main blog, my one true blog. I always post here unless there is some form of technical difficulty that prevents me from doing so. The name disillusioned came to me when I couldn't figure out a name for the blog in the first place. The name of the domain itself - Sweetly-Evil.Org, came from my AIM screen name. Disillusioned is my way of tearing away the veils I suppose, or it used to be anyway. I always complained about work, family and general stupidity here. I kept losing the blog though and a lot of those posts are completely gone.
I can understand why though. Perhaps letting my negativity spew out into the world wide web isn't the best way to go. That's why I have the LiveJournal, so I can keep all that negativity from affecting others I care about and people who really don't want to see someone who's whining and crying about how unfair life, work, or whatever happens to be plaguing me that day is.
So through all the years that I really have been around, most of that is all gone. But I have evolved into something more since then. Someone who is more conscious of those around her. Yes, I still get urges to kill people. I still want to TMK those who agitate the living heck out of me but I simply don't see much of a need to put that on all of my readers. I want to help people who have the issues I do, if I can.
I tend to hold a lot of rage and anger deep down inside. I don't let it stay there as much and I try very hard not to pour it on others. I keep it tightly locked up in LiveJournal where only I have to see it. And I seem to be seeing less of that anger, that rage. Perhaps I am evolving into a better person. People always seem to think I'm sweet and innocent and they'll even tell me that. I know better. I am mean and I will always be mean, but I will do my damnedest not to let you see or hear just how mean and uncaring I can be. I want to change. I want to be a better person who simply enjoys the people and places around her.
