September 2011 Archives

1 Year + 1 Day

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I thought I’d look back to see if I had blogged a year ago today, but I hadn’t. I did however put up two short posts on yesterday, one year ago. One was about how my horoscope told me I should take a trip (which I still can’t afford) or to take up a new hobby (which I still haven’t really done). The other post was in the early beginnings of the Illustrious Cubicle Carl and his Escapades in the office. He’s since been given to me and unfortunately I haven’t done anything with him since I took him home. (Although he did play a small part in one of the Little Lady’s school projects as a KKK member…)

So here are links to what I posted that day: and

I know, it’s all very exciting! i really should start carrying my camera around more often.. I’m even considering a new one when tax time rolls around. Something truly fabulous and slick. Enjoy!

Testing Things Out

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So I finally (again) installed MovableType 5.12 on a testing subdomain. (If anyone out there wants to check it out, comment and I’ll make you an account.) Basically I didn’t like it previously. I didn’t like the fact that I had to have both a website and a blog. So I ignored it and updated this version when security issues were plugged up.

It appears that MovableType 5.12 has allowed me to create a blog without a website this time around. I do sort of like the layout, although I am used to having navigation at the top instead of on the side.

I’ve noticed that for me it’s a little slower loading. It seems to take a few moments for the system to realize I clicked a link and then when it gets to that page, everything is loaded, or so I think. The little circle on Chrome is going nuts switching from the refresh button to an x showing that something is still loading. I’m not sure what, though. And while I look at the status line at the bottom of the page, it looks like it is trying to load Zemanta, which is something I disabled on this version after being annoyed with it repeatedly. Perhaps a permission wasn’t changed during the upload…. It’s telling me it isn’t able to do its thing. Ok, I had to change permissions on a file, silly me.

I’m currently copying this post to the test blog to see how it turns out over there. I just might download all of my entries and so forth and upgrade all of the blogs to 5.12 if I can truly create blogs without the website option. Ahwell, almost time for me to leave for work. So I shall play some more later and decide in a couple of days. Later.

You can view the test blog here: Testing MT5.

Ahh Coffee....

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Sometimes I wonder what the people reading the teleprompters on the news show I watch in the morning. I especially enjoyed the interview with the mom of three kids who was worried about accruing any medical bills if her kids got hurt, how she wished she could afford to go to the doctor for the various aches, pains and odd feelings she had. (I can’t recall if she was battling cancer or beaten it and afraid it had come back…) Then the happy and sweet-looking medical correspondent comes on and tells us that we really should put money away for emergencies and so forth. Hmmm… they didn’t mention in the interview if the mom was a stay or work at home mom or if both parents were working, or if anyone was laid off, etc. So I have no details on this particular family’s financial situation.

I do know that in this current time just having a child is extremely expensive. My daughter doesn’t even play sports so I don’t have that extra cost (thank the light) that most parents do. She does, however, have other expenses that I do my best to accommodate. Such as food. She’s lactose intolerant and while she’s finally able to take Lactaid with most dairy and have few or no side effects I still have to make sure I buy things she can eat and drink. That means buying the expensive Lactaid milk (I recently bought a gallon that was 6 bucks, SIXFREAKINGDOLLARS!!!) but when your child wants to be able to eat cereal for breakfast, you buy the milk she can drink and enough to last a little while. I also use it to cook anything that requires milk so that she doesn’t have to take a Lactaid with dinner.

You always can’t find off-brand or store brand foods that are dairy-free. So I end up paying the price for things that are higher priced. I don’t buy a newspaper or sign up for coupon sites because, to be honest, I just don’t have the patience.

Another thing that drives me insane is that I’m old enough to know when the cheapest gas I bought was like 48 cents a gallon. Paying around 4 or 5 dollars a gallon gives me heart palpitations every single time I get gas. Along with the fact that while I don’t receive child support (my choice), any kind of aid from the government (also my choice) and I show up to work each and every day to make sure I get a full paycheck every two weeks I seem to be the only parent who runs kids around. I feel irritated that my daughter’s friend’s parents sleep all freaking day, don’t work for whatever reason, and then I get stuck running kids from here to there and back again because I am the only one awake or who has the energy (which I don’t). What is one to do about that? I don’t want to tell my daughter that she can’t do something because she can’t find a ride or her friends parents are “unable” to give them one. So I sigh, grab the keys, and go. I have a pretty good kid, which I got lucky on that, as well.

So when these people who make more money in a month or two than I make in 6 it truly irritates me that they tell us we have to put money aside. What money? After paying bills and buying food and unexpected “I need this for school” or “Oh crap I forgot to…” it’s a bit difficult to put money aside. I don’t have cable, no house phone. I have internet and netflix. I have two cell phones I got for free because of the sale going on. They just changed my billing day to 5 days earlier and a non-pay week. Which means I have to call them and convince them to change it back. I don’t have high hopes with that at all because even though they are going to be gobbled up by AT&T if the government allows it, they are big business and I’m just one customer in a sea of dollar signs.

And now I’m told that Coffee Can Lower Depression! I limit myself to one cup, mostly because the coffee at work sucks ass. Seriously, it’s got to be the worst coffee I’ve ever tasted. So I drink hot chocolate there instead. It doesn’t make me happy though. I’m not sure why. It mostly just makes me sleepy. Have a great day! I am off to work. Later.

So Far {Untitled}

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Saturday was Junior Homecoming for the Little Lady so I had several hours home all alone. After running her to her friend’s house and watching them get two vehicles stuck in the mud trying to go through the yard (oops), then having to run home to retrieve her forgotten Lactaid and Pamprin, to Olive Garden to give her forgotten medication and getting fast food for myself (since by that time I didn’t really care to cook anything at all) I returned home and flopped onto the couch.

What’s a kid-free mom supposed to do with hours of free time? It had been so long since I had more than two hours alone that I wasn’t sure. I mean, truly, completely, entirely alone! There were many ideas running through my head such as exercising on the WiiFit, watching Anime or movies that the Little Lady doesn’t care for to running around the house naked screaming “I’m all alone!”. Ok, so not really the last one, but heck who doesn’t want to run around naked now and again?

So while contemplating what to do with myself and munching on my Wendy’s ultimate chicken grill (YUM!) I watched an episode of Burn Notice. Then I thought I should be writing. I didn’t have to pick the Little Lady up until around midnight and it was already around 9pm. So after the food and episode I turned on some music and opened a fresh and shiny new word document.

Then I went to various names sites looking for names to use for the characters. Lately I’ve just been using xx(n) and xy(n) for character names when I’d start something, deciding to plug in the names later. This time I wanted names first. I probably should’ve just gone with the coding system instead because I spent a lot of time looking for names.

After finally deciding on names I messed around with the music some more. I had asked for a specific artist and I can’t figure out why all 3 internet sites would play 1 song by the specified artist and then nothing else. I have no issues with the commercials on a free account, but the least they could do is set it up so if you ask for a specific band or artist that they are played every 2 or 3 songs. I heard one song by the artist and kept switching websites. Every time the first song would be who I asked for then 10 songs later I still wouldn’t hear them again. Annoyed, I gave up and got back to attempting to write.

The first story I started I got annoyed with a little over 500 words. So I saved it and started another story. I got around 300 words when I realized it was 11:56 and I had to go pick the Little Lady up. I closed everything down and ran out the door. I haven’t looked at either story yet so I’m not sure what to think about them yet. They weren’t anything fantastically detailed with being so short but they are a start. Sunday I didn’t really touch the computer until an hour before bedtime. Hopefully I’ll be motivated to do something with them tonight. Where’s my motivation? Somewhere deep down inside where the voices dwell. Time to take the chains off the box I keep them in and unlock it. Hopefully only good writing will come out of it, but I doubt it. Creativity always charges a price.

Straighten Your Stance

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I wasn’t one of those kids who were always told to stand up straight. Perhaps if I had been I’d have an easier time standing up straight without having to focus on it. I find myself slouching more and more as the day passes. I stretch my arms, neck, shoulders and back, then straighten my spine. Then I fight gravity some more, which eventually weighs me down again.

I recently noticed someone who was constantly not just slouching, but basically staring at the floor as they walked. I noticed that as the week went by they were shorter and shorter. So I asked them if there was anything wrong. The reply I received was that everything was fine and they meant it.

When they walked by again I mentioned that the reasons I asked was because they were slouching and staring at the floor as they walked. They hadn’t even truly realized this was occuring. Over the next week they started standing straighter and trying to slouch less. I was thanked that I had mentioned it because it made them realize that they weren’t portraying the confidence they felt when they slouched. In order for others to see you as a strong and confident individual, you need to stand up straight, looking at them, not at the floor.

So over time this person started standing up straight, making sure they weren’t looking at the floor and has also put their drivers’ seat in the car upright instead of leaning back. I was told today that it is no longer uncomfortable for them to sit upright in the seat as well. I feel as if I made a difference in someone’s life with such a simple thing. I do my best to stand up straight (because I’m short so I need every quarter inch I can get) to show that I am a well-balanced, confident individual. (Ok, maybe not well-balanced, but I can at least make them think so, right? Right.)

So go out there and stand up straight, look at people’s faces when you speak with them, show off every inch you have and be confident about each one them. Later.

Gotcha! Errrhm.... Captcha!

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Hey I finally got the goshdernfriggendammitalltohell captcha that comes with MT working. Yay Me! But then again, this time I took the time to figure out what was wrong. Turn out it was the url. You’d think I’d notice such things, but with multiple copies of the same thing with different urls for each it gets a little confusing. It works now, so comment away. Also, all comments are no-follow. For now. Sorry if this upsets you but that’s how I prefer it at the moment. We shall see if it changes! Later.


There are, of course, stipulations. Using Windows 7, IE 9, requires you to click the compatibility button… yes, so click the compatibility button. Doooo it.

Some Days...

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There are some days where I have a good morning. I get dressed, hair and makeup done in a reasonable amount of time. I get my coffee and even get to enjoy it, check out facebook, twitter, delete the stuff from my gmail that I subscribe to but rarely read and then go to work.

I’m up and ready to go and then I get to work, which I refer to as ‘paradise’ in a hopeful way of making it a good day. I even try to be non-sarcastic about that. It doesn’t always work so well. Such as today.

This morning went quite well, I even remembered to take my vitamins (so far all week!) which is a bonus. Or supposed to be a bonus. I’m trying to take probiotics more regularly instead of just when I am feeling blah. So why do I feel so tired? I think the main reason behind it is that I am not exercising. I do my 5 minute walks at work around the warehouse, but other than that I haven’t been doing squat. I’ve wanted a new workout ‘game’ for the Wii and I think that will help. Doing the same things over and over and over again with the WiiFit … while it’s helpful, it gets boring. I got really good at all the exercises I enjoyed doing (for example, I hate lunges but I love side lunges… weird?) and then I stopped working out every day. Then I stopped working out every couple of days and you get the picture.

I’m thinking a new trainer, a new exercise ‘game’, something fun to do, will help me get back into it. The problem is that where do I get the money? I lowered my phone bill by getting them to kill the house phone. The cell phone company decided to change my billing date, which totally screwed me because now they are on a non-pay week. I truly hate getting paid bi-weekly. I understand that it saves the company money, but still, it really messes up paying bills. You can’t always synchronize these things.

To be honest I think I’m just bored. Bored with work, bored with television, bored, bored, bored. Even though there are so many things I’m doing. Blogging again, learning new things in Photoshop from tutorials again, learning Japanese two different ways (Rosetta Stone and a book called Japanese Demystified), checking out different anime shows and reading books outside my current favorite genre of Urban Fantasy. So why am I bored? Where is my motivation today? It feels as if every day is the same thing over and over, just a different date.

They say to get out of ruts to try new things. Where am I supposed to go when I am doing, or restarting old, activities that bring me joy, or at least a sense of accomplishment.

I do miss writing erotica and I have plans to get back into doing so. Perhaps I actually need to implement it instead of just saying I’m planning to do so. Maybe that’s what I’m missing. We shall see. Later.

The (dis)Service of (in)Efficiency

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I’m always trying to find a way to do something easier, faster, smarter or all three combined: efficiently. I find a lot of times that this becomes impossible if there are many hands trying to help complete something so I tend to work alone. I tend to work quickly and I tend to have a low error-rate. (I’m also one of those people who want to know what mistakes I made so that I can fix them and truly dislike finding out a week/month/quarter later that there was a mistake and it’s already been taken care of.) I also try to finish projects on time. I hate telling someone I’ll have something done and then something throws it off track, but I go with the flow. I do the projects given to me and I do them to the best of my ability.

It really cracks me up though when I get a phone call asking if I was told something or given information about something that needs to be updated any time a specific set of information changes. If I’m not told the information I can’t update it, period. The person calling and asking me for this information already knew I didn’t have it and told me a very intriguing conversation about it as well. Apparently they understood that I wouldn’t have this information for two reasons. 1) I wasn’t in the meeting when the information was updated. I don’t go to meetings. I go to training sessions when we have them if I feel the need to go. I don’t recall being in any meeting for any reason and (to be honest) I like it that way. 2) Because no one who had been in the meeting emailed/called/walked over and said ‘hey by the way’ to let me know it changed.

I do enjoy my job. I have rare occurrences with customers (it’s for the best, theirs, not mine); I get to do a lot of my projects on my own with little to no supervision (usually if I have a question I ask); I get to listen to music via headphones (since I’m rarely on the phone) to drown out the people around me.

I see people cause all kinds of issues, some not intentional, others… perhaps not truly intentional but they didn’t do anything to prevent the issue from happening. I don’t understand this type of behavior, it’s as if they don’t want to save money for the company so that we can get better raises or some other form of benefits. They don’t want to get things done in an orderly manner because so and so didn’t do such and such and then everything got put off schedule so why bother?

It’s not just there that I see it. I see it everywhere. It makes me wonder sometimes….

Lovely Ladies Lunch

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Since springtime myself and a few coworkers and a mutual friend have been going to lunch each month. We put the time on our calendar and put extra time in because most of us only get a half an hour for lunch. The first lunch started out with four of us and we spent an entire hour laughing so hard not only were we crying but we were also in a bit of pain afterwards. We were able to discuss things outside of work and let loose, get to know each other better and have a good time.

We choose different places to go; anywhere from the food court at Eastwood Mall to Applebee’s and Olive Garden. We all tried Fuddrucker’s together as well. Over time we’ve had a few other people join us. Usually there are at least 6 of us together. All but one of us work in the same office, and while we see each other there each day it’s not all fun and games. So our monthly luncheon gives us a time to leave it behind for a little bit.

One of the ladies thought it might be fun to interview a person at each lunch (that person gets to choose where to eat), to get to know them better, to give each of us a new way to look at this person and say “I know you”. Each time we’ve asked questions ranging from how did you meet your husband to if you could have any job in the world what would it be and many others that end up with all of us sharing stories, jokes and lots of laughter.

Today I was asked about several different things such as ‘what kind of traits would I like in a man’ (I’m the only truly single gal in the group) which I answered with “A guy who is capable of doing laundry…” and went into how it seemed as if each relationship ended up with me always cleaning up after someone because ‘they didn’t know how to do it’ or they just had no time to help because they were too busy playing a game. Now I’m not a neat freak but I don’t think it’s fair if I’m the only one cleaning when more than one person is making a mess.

Anyway, I think this would be a great thing for more women to do. Take some time every month to reconnect when others, whether they be coworkers or friends, whether you’re a career woman outside the home or a work/stay at home mother.

When the weather gets a little nasty out, which it always does in Ohio when winter is approaching, we plan to have our get together at the office in the lunch room. It should be interesting to see what happens if someone walks in on our little gathering and hears something that we were talking about. Our conversations can get a little steamy sometimes, but it’s all in good fun.

Another plan we’re having is to get together for a girl’s drinking night. When we do that I think I’ll take the board game “Last Word” with me. I think it will provide all kinds of interesting fun while drinking!

Time to go look at your list of friends you want to know more about and make a date with them. Go ahead, you’ll not regret it. Later.

The (dis)Advantages of being Congested

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There are both advantages and disadvantages to being congested. The main disadvantage I have is that people don’t believe that I’m not sick. I appear to be sick because I’m coughing, congested and, on occasion, sneezing. However no matter the type of medication I take, whether it be for allergies, colds or just plain congestion (even severe medication) nothing works. Mucinex takes away the congestion but leaves me feeling seriously dehydrated no matter how much water I drink or food I eat. Also, I find that if I am not sipping on something every few moments (literally) I end up snuffling again.

The reason that I am congested, coughing and occasionally sneezing is because of the rapid weather and temperature change both inside and outside. Going from one extreme to another is harsh on any system, but especially mine. I find that every time the season changes I get congested and other cold symptoms with no relief. It doesn’t help that the office air conditioner thinks that 72 degrees outside with any humidity over 60% is sweltering and therefore needs to cool off the office by running almost continuously. (I was also told that the thermostat for the a/c unit ends up in direct sunlight a portion of the day.) There are two vents, one on each side of me, that attack me every time the system kicks in. Since I’m not in an actual cubicle and have no walls to protect me, I freeze to death. There have been times where my fingertips started turning blue.

Another disadvantage is that due to being congested people can’t tell when I’m being sarcastic. This is a problem because 90% of the conversation spewing out of me is full of sarcasm or some other form of funny. I find it makes the day go by and most people don’t realize I’m being mean. So when I’m all congested they think I’m being mean. You see that? I’m being mean when I’m sarcastic more than half the time but now they think I’m being mean. That’s a problem in my book. So I cut down on the sarcasm and avoid people most of the time when I am congested.

The problem with avoiding people is they think I’m being anti-social. This is never a good thing to do in an office environment because people will take it upon themselves to insinuate that you don’t like them. Even if you don’t like them, this is bad. You want people to think you like them for many reasons. One of those reasons is they might help you out when you’re swamped with work and need assistance. Another reason is to just keep the office drama at a minimum. You may have your own reasons, these are mine. No one would ever know if I don’t really like them because I’m polite to them, nice to them, help them out on occassion and try to stay out of the gossip unless it’s something I need to know.

Another reason I know I’m not sick is because no one has gotten sick from me being congested/coughing/sneezing around them. Now while I am not rude enough to walk up and sneeze or cough right in someone’s face (I even go out of my way to leave if I have a coughing fit) I’m also not staying confined to my work area.

So between the a/c going overboard at work, the steamy temperatures in the afternoon, then the cool to cold temperatures from evening to morning I can only take so much. I’ve asked for the temp to be raised to 74 in the office but get told that 72 is normal. I’m sorry I’m not normal due to having a body temperature 1.1 degrees below the usual 98.6 of most people. I highly doubt a 2 degree, or even 1 and making the temp 73, would affect others in a negative way. At least not in the way the a/c affects me at 72.

Have a fantastic day! I am glad mine is closer to being over.

Personal Appearance

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Lately I’ve been noticing things and they aren’t all that great. I’ve noticed that people don’t seem to notice, or perhaps they don’t care, about the appearance of others. I take pride (not a lot, but I like to look nice) in my appearance. I refuse to go out in public, even if I am sick, looking like I rolled out of bed and put on whatever was on the floor or stuffed repeatedly into the laundry basket. My reasoning for this is because if I look nice I’ll be treated nice. Usually this works. But that is not what this post is about. This post is about how even though people know I take pride in my appearance, they don’t tell me when something has gone wrong.

I walk into the restroom at work and after taking care of business look up into the mirror and see that my eyeliner is smudged. Not badly but enough that it’s noticeable. Why didn’t someone who I talked to out of several people mention ‘by the way, you’re eyeliner is smudged’. I wouldn’t take this badly, I’d go fix it and move on with life. Today I walked into the restroom and looked up after washing my hands to see a lock of hair sticking awkwardly up and over on the wrong side (very noticeable!) and not one person said anything. I’m sure it got stuck in my sunglasses when I took them off and smoothing things over like I normally do when I remove them didn’t work today. But seriously!? I want to know these things. I have to see people throughout the day, not just coworkers, but customers as well. Obviously I want to look respectable and smudged eyeliner (even though this stuff takes a lot of work to smudge) and a very obvious lock of hair out of place is not passing that bar with me.

I’m not sure if people are afraid they might upset my extremely sensitive self (HA!) or if they think it might bring me down a bit walking around with smudged makeup and my hair looking … awkward. It doesn’t. I fix it and move on, but it sure would be nice to have a heads up when something gets messed up. I let people know if there is something weird going on with their wardrobe, hair and makeup. I do it in a nice way, too. I know, can you believe I do something nice now and again? Yeah, I do. For those I like anyway.

So if you see me in public and I’ve got a lock of hair that’s flipped on the wrong side and sticking up, please let me know. I’ll think of you better for it. Later.

About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

Disillusioned is best viewed in 1280x800 resolution.

To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at, comments are open for business with approval.


About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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This page is an archive of entries from September 2011 listed from newest to oldest.

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Michelle C. Miller
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