November 2011 Archives

(Non)Working Relationships

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I'm sure some people out there have experienced some of the things I have when it comes to relationships.  Such as having someone you're with or a parent who says something along the lines of "I just can't sleep when there are dirty dishes in the sink!" and literally have a conniption fit about it, but they won't personally do anything about it.  Even after you've worked 8 hours, stopped at the store for shit they needed and (of course) didn't pay you back for the purchase.   They whine and cry how messy something is but they don't think that if they utilize that energy to help out around the house instead will be much more productive than complaining to someone who (perhaps hasn't been on their feet all day long) has been dealing with customers yelling or calling repeatedly because they are too stupid and lazy absolutely refuse to leave a voice mail for their contact.  

Not all of the positions I have had in the past have been extremely stressful each and every day, but it always seemed on the days that were particularly trying those would be the same days where I needed to stop somewhere on the way home or as soon as I got home I was also expected to start dinner, do dishes and whatever other chores needed doing the moment I walked in.  These things got very trying, especially since there were three adults at the time and one child.  I felt as if I had three children and no help whatsoever.

There were (obviously) some volcanic blow-ups over this as well.  I got so stressed out that I ended up causing myself physical pain.  Pain that ended up becoming much more severe after doing 10 loads of laundry one weekend (no help!) and seriously straining my left shoulder to the point that I tore some muscle and pinched a nerve.  Oh the nerve!

Unfortunately, I still suffer from that injury and if I overtax myself, even after starting a somewhat very random exercise regimen.  I feel it when I pick up grocery bags that are too heavy for me.  I feel it when I pick up a container of kitty litter.  I have to make sure that I don't do anything after I feel the indicator signs that I'm overdoing it, otherwise I wake up unable to move in the morning.  If you've ever woken up unable to move and in serious pain, you know how awful it feels to get up and go get ice and then try to lay back down with the ice in the proper placement (because it's just no damn good if it isn't in the right place).

I've tried following FlyLady and while I'm supposed to just 'jump in wherever' it doesn't always work for me.  It's a rare day where I walk in the house and feel like I want to continue to move.  Even though I sit all day long, other than walking to see the supervisor or see someone about a project, or walking around the warehouse on break so that I can get some movement in, I come home and sit.  And sit some more.

One habit I have accomplished of achieving each and every day (minus a day here and there, like my birthday) is making my bed.  I love, Love, LOVE having my bed made and crawling into it at night.  It makes me feel good.  I get seriously discombobulated when the Little Lady crawls into my bed (because she just couldn't resist since it looked SO COMFY) and then doesn't remake it.  There was one time she made an attempt at remaking it, which is more than she usually tries, but I noticed because I could see the sheet underneath practically all balled up and lumpy.  It's very hard for me not to want to strangle her.

I am not a perfectionist or even OCD about anything.  If you walked in here (which you better have called before coming over depending on who you are) you'd see clutter and probably a glass or three in the living room depending on if they got taken into the kitchen before bed.  I keep trying to form good habits but it doesn't always help and when there's only one adult who is gone around 10 hours a day and one teenager who has a ton of homework after school (and tends to pass out shortly after getting home) things tend to get a little behind.  Every day I try to load the dishwasher but it doesn't always happen. Laundry gets done on the weekend unless I ran out of time due to running errands.  Grocery shopping gets done on payday Wednesday (which we all know is almost better than a Friday).

I feel that if I try to do something one day, such as today I put on a load of dishes, cleaned off and scrubbed the counters, shined the stove and sprayed the microwave to get it ready to be scrubbed (it's still waiting on me) then I swept the floor.  Tomorrow I'll probably come home and collapse into the chair or onto the couch because I'll be putting in extra time tomorrow and Thursday to get a project done and make up hours.  Should be interesting to say the least.

Still, coming home to a house that is a bit cluttered, or on really heavy duty days down right dirty, is a lot easier to deal with then walking in the door and being berated about the state of the household, the bills, the laundry, the cat puking (but we didn't clean it up because it's not our cat) oh and you need to make dinner because I'm starving as of ten minutes ago issues.

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So the Little Lady is now a licensed driver!  Not only is she licensed, though, she's also a good driver.  So you won't have to worry about her running over your mailbox or tailgating you.  Although, like myself, she may choose to run down your dog if the damn thing is in the road and won't move.  Erhm.

The past 7 days I have been hearing 'Mom, do you think I'll pass?' and I'd reply, 'Of course.'  Obviously I am unbelievable.  Hey but I am right!  Not only did she pass, she passed without missing any points at all.  She's broken the family curse of failing at least one portion of the test, I mean who doesn't fail at least one part?  I'm just glad she's licensed and I don't have to drive her around anymore.  

Also, we put up the tree.  We didn't change the theme though so it looks exactly the same as last year.  Which is fine with me, it's a very pretty tree.  Thanksgiving was excellent.  After an amazing meal (and my cupcakes for dessert because pie is so overrated and I dislike it) we watched Mars Needs Moms.  It wasn't a half-bad movie.  Didn't care for the one guy, but that was his background, the semi-dis-likable but did the right thing guy.  

My writing expedition over at is getting harder and harder.  I'm supposed to write whatever happens to run through my head in any manner that it comes out.  It's a lot more difficult to do that than you think.  Especially, if you tend to just put things out of your mind.  I do that all the time.  "Gotta do the dishes." -Put out of mind until later.- "Gotta vacuum." -Just do it later, it really doesn't need to be done.-

Eventually everything gets taken care of, just on a slower more relaxed schedule than the rest of me wants it done. Not much else is going on around here and I like it that way.  No drama, no fighting, just relaxed and quiet.  Hope each and every one of you are having the same type of evening.  

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Gimme a Draft

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So I noticed that I hadn't written an official entry since the Little Lady's birthday (which I showed to her). I did however write a couple of draft entries, and they'll probably end up staying that way because they are mostly full of bitching, moaning, whining and complaining.  I don't really want to post all my nasty annoying tidbits about everything that annoys me or irks me at every turn, because just to put it out there, a lot of things annoy me.  I try to just let it roll off me but it doesn't always happen that way.

Then I read an article from LifeHacker about writers and some tools they could use.  One of them being about  This site is for people to go to and write every day, something private (preferably in the morning before the day is started) and write out whatever happens to pour out of their mind.  There is a word count at the bottom and it lets you know when you've reached your 750 words.  You can continue writing after that if you wish or you can stop there.  You can go there more than once a day and you'll be in the same post (as far as I know).

So far I've written every morning, missing Saturday and Sunday this past weekend.  That kind of sucks because you earn badges as you go for your streaks.  They are fairly random and so forth but cute for the most part.  It's kind of a way to get you to try and find out what's next.  You can also sign up for the challenge they put on each month.  I'm not sure if it's just writing every day or if there is more to it.  Again, no one sees what you write except for you.

The coolest part is that if you write honestly about what is going on with you and through your mind, the stats will tell you in a lot of ways how you fair against the past, present, future and world.  They'll tell you what kind of rating you have (I currently have an R rating, oops) and tell you what different emotions are affecting you, how much and how it compares to the world.

I even recommended it to two friends and so far one has tried it.  I hope it's helping her deal with her grief over losing a beloved family member.  She was having issues because whenever she would have a fleeting thought about him she would get emotional and felt she had no one to talk to in her family about it and it was as if they simply moved on with their lives and left her behind with this huge ball of sadness.

I feel that there are things that I don't want everyone to know and these are also things that people don't really care to know.  So, they'll go there and hopefully I'll find other things to entertain everyone who's kind enough to stop by here.  Enjoy!

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17 Year Long Roller Coaster Ride

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Today, officially, at 12:27AM my baby girl, my Little Lady as I refer to her here, turned 17.  To be honest, it's been rough.  I hate roller coasters.  I refuse to ride them for the most part and the only roller coaster I have been on {except when my sister forced me to ride the Big Dipper} (still only semi-willingly) is the little RoadRunner at Geauga Lake or Six Flags or whatever it happens to be called today.  The only reason I went on was to take her.  She didn't want to go alone and well, I thought she should go, so I went.  I even hated that little roller coaster.  The way they throw you around from side to side, shaking you until your innards are turned to a slimey goo, is just too much for me.  I prefer crazy things that I have a little more control over, or trust in the person operating them.

While we have, like every other family, had our ups and downs, she is the best thing I've ever created, molded, argued with, loved, snuggled and laughed with.  She might not be exactly sure what she wants to do with her life just yet, she is only 17 and there's really no rush as long as she makes an effort to get out there and try things, she will be a productive member of society.  She's good at so many different things, from hair and makeup, to taking photos and editing them, to debating not just her view, but both sides of an argument to the point that people dislike following her.  Even the teacher feels bad for them and tells them that.  She tries her best to go near the end of that class just so others get a chance to make a good point.

Little Lady works very hard at everything she does, she puts her all into it.  She's not entirely a control freak, but she does have her moments, she wants everything to be perfect.  She knows that good grades and good relationships with her teachers (for those recommendation letters) are the best way to get into good colleges (once she figures out just what it is she wants to do).

In this photo below we were at Mill Creek Park at one of their information centers.  It looks like she's about to kiss a bear.  Some people actually asked her if it was a real bear.  Others asked her if it was a dog who looked like a bear (because there are dogs that are that big that somewhat look like a bear).  This is one of my favorite moments to think of her in because she's having fun, being herself and that day was a fantastic day full of hiking, learning, friends and great food.  (Gotta have great food to make a great day!)

So happy birthday baby, which you'll always be even if you're 80 and I'm 97.  Deal with it, it's my right.



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I officially went ahead and moved Disillusioned over to MovableType5. So far I've found some very interesting things.  Like having to change some coding in the new templates to what I had changed it in the older templates.  Also that for some reason it says Powered By MT4 instead of 5.  I haven't gone looking for the graphic yet and I usually change the color to match the layout, so we shall see what happens.

Also, in order to use this Zemanta plug-in thingiemcbobber you have to type in Rich Text format.  It gives you things you can insert and tags your post with interesting tidbits or something... I'm not entirely sure.  There are links for articles that are a month to 3 years old and images for the little media gallery.  Very cool and high tech.  Whether or not I'll actually utilize this source... well, let's just say I got very annoyed with Xonbi on Outlook over a period of time and decided I no longer needed it.

I've kind of gone through some coding hell.  I always forget to put notes in my css for the layouts where to change header colors, widget header background colors and so forth.  But I am working on it.  Exquisite Designs is a fantastic drove of colors right now and I finally fixed the container on it.  Hopefully it'll work on other monitor sizes.  I get really annoyed when the layouts are all screwed up on other monitor sizes when they shouldn't be.  There's a reason for a container size!  It's not supposed to go beyond a certain point.  It always looks messed up at work but there i have a 19 inch monitor compared to the 14.5 or whatever size I have now.

There are these lovely little 'in-text links' boxes below that I can apply if I want to link to articles or websites containing this information.  The issue with that though is why would I want to?  They aren't giving me a reason to link to them.  Usually that is needed in order to say 'hey go here because I found this and think you might like it as well'...  Ahwell... we shall see.

It also looks like keywords went byebye and tags have stayed to hang around.  I never did get the whole tag cloud thing.. it kind of weirds me out.  Perhaps I'll try it anyway.  I'm off to bed!  Good night, all! Sweet Dreams!

Another thing I've noticed is that I may have forgotten to change some permissions as things keep changing regarding how my comments and so forth are setup behind the scenes.  Will look into this more tomorrow!  Now, officially off.


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Recently I made a decision to do just logos and flyers for locals that are interested in my style of design. I don’t mind doing website touch-ups here and there, but from scratch it’s a lot of work and since I already have a job, two full-time jobs is just way too much. However I can’t help making new designs for myself of course, and mostly that’s just swapping out images, changing colors and widths. Easy if you ask me. Since I’ll be swapping over to MovableType5 soon, I’ve decided that Exquisite Designs will be the first to be swapped out. Here’s what the site will look like when I move it:


Single Doesn't Mean Easy

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Being single isn’t always easy, but I do enjoy it. I don’t have someone to snuggle up and keep me warm but on the other side of things there’s no one stealing the covers or complaining that I keep things too warm. What can I say? I’m a cold-blooded woman. No really, my normal body temperature is 97.5, 1.1 degrees below the true normal body temperature. Also, I’m not stick thin anymore, I did gain that weight that I wanted, but I still freeze on a regular basis. I’m just not properly equipped to keep myself warm. Must be that cold rock I call a heart.

Other things I’ve noticed when you’re single is that people will try to fix you up with someone. Anyone. I’ve had my boss continually try to get me to go out with co-workers. I refuse. Repeatedly. I do not, will not, absolutely refuse to, date co-workers. It makes things awkward when they find out how I truly am in my private life and then things don’t work out for whatever reason. Then you have to keep seeing them every single day at work. I’ve had co-workers who are recently married try to fix me up with every ‘cute’ guy they see. Usually these guys are already married but don’t wear a ring, several years too young for me, or live out of state and are just in town on business. Now, while I’ve stated that someone like Mike Rowe would be an amazing husband because 1) he’s never home, 2) he works hard and 3) he’s got an amazing sense of humor it doesn’t mean I want to marry him. Or anyone else that happens to live out of state or even right in my own neighborhood.

I’m one of the few people who happens to be truly happy when they are single. I get confused looks when I say that. It would take a truly amazing and incredible guy to get me to marry him. I’m not just complicated, you know? I’m a Pisces on the Cusp of Aries with Libra Rising complicated. I’m a logical creative. I’m in my own personal world trying to create things that I can make real, whether that be graphically, written or photographic.

To be honest, I like making decisions on my own and not having to check someone else’s schedule to see if there are any other events going on. I like to be able to pick up a novel and get lost in the words and images it creates for me, to be in the story. I want to be able to be who I am without having to compromise myself. I end up changing everything about myself at first when starting a full-blown relationship and it’s truly disconcerting when I am finally comfortable enough to take it easy and then everything goes haywire because I’ve completely changed. Or I end up trying to be even more amenable than I normally would be and get walked over repeatedly and covered in mud. At least he was so kind as to tell me he forgave me of all the horrible things I did. (I’ve stopped trying to figure out what those things are. It’s easier to forget than to forgive for me, the anger just builds if I keep thinking about it.)

Now don’t get me wrong, I do get asked out. My answer is usually ranging from I don’t really know you (I don’t want to go out with you) to No thank you as you’re way too young for me (No, really. You’re too young and I’m so not interested.) Some people move on, others keep trying. So I’d like to put it out there. Just because I am single and not dating or sleeping with someone, whatever you want to call it these days, doesn’t mean that I am going to fall all over you for paying attention to me. It doesn’t mean that the split second you smile all sexy like and try to be sweet to me that I’m going to strip and spread my legs for you. It means that I’m going to mess with you. I’m going to entertain myself by listening to you repeatedly ask me out just so that I can say no. So that I can pretty much tell you where to go and how to get there in a way that just makes you beg for more.

Yes, I’m a bitch. I’ve never denied it and I never will. I don’t play the game, but I will toy with someone if it becomes a way of making me laugh. I’ll make you beg and if you keep it up, someday, without ever going on a date with you, I’ll probably make you cry. All the while I’ll laugh. Then, I’ll walk away.

Now now, relax. I only do it to those who specifically ask for this sort of treatment, the ones that simply can’t believe I could turn them down, the ones who keep asking and don’t yet realize that the word ‘yes’ isn’t going to come out of my mouth.

Truly, honestly, I’m not really looking for anyone. Maybe someday I’ll find someone that I can handle being around. Someone that won’t walk all over me. Someone that won’t think I am ignoring them if I go read a book. Someone who won’t lie to me about what their plans are. Until then, I’ll continue to live each day as I see fit. You should, too.

Holy Crap

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So there it is, the skipped day. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was right on top of things. I even had a post in mind, but instead of writing it yesterday on lunch I did something else. I read a few articles. Then I played around with my testing blog for MovableType5. Then lunch was over and I had to get back to work. I decided I’ll just post later when I am home. I got distracted by upgrading the demo-flyer for Ascano Photography which won’t be posted until the final is approved. After that I ended up watching Eureka on Netflix and completely missed the Season Opener for Bones. (Double Dammit!)

I’ve noticed regarding this blog lately that my categories haven’t been showing at the end. I tried adding a tweet button and it didn’t appear. Tags don’t seem to be participating either at the bottom of entries. Then I realized that they are appearing, but on the individual entry itself, not on front page. So that’s working the way it’s supposed to be. Still no tweet button.

Due to the oddities I keep encountering I’ve decided that I am going to move to MovableType5. It’s all for the best. This will happen around the new year. I wouldn’t want to go overboard or anything and take on too much at once. Right? Right. I haven’t even decided what will be kept and what will be discarded. Usually with a new year a completely new face should be revealed. Well, we shall see.

Those are the reasons I forgot to post and the notice that when I do move everything over there will be some down time. See you again soon!

The Lost Art of Kindness

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I’ve noticed the past decade or so that kindness seems to be a dwindling commodity. Even people in service and sales positions don’t have the realism of fake kindness any longer. It seems that everyone is so desolate or depressed or can’t feel anything at all that they don’t dare use what little energy they have left (because no one sleeps right these days) to fake a little kindness.

I never know what to attribute this loss of kindness, too. I understand if someone was kept up all night by their sick child or newborn baby. I understand if they are overworked and very stressed. What I don’t understand is young people (20s young) entering the workplace, say a store at the mall so they can get a discount on their favorite clothing, are then mean or rude to customers. Not just one of them, but all three or four of them. Rude, unhelpful, it’s a good thing most of these people don’t try to earn tips!

I try to be kind to people in these positions because I know they tend to get the short end of the stick. Once they start acting like an ass though all my kindness goes out the door, out of my eyes and I allow the coldness in my mind to be absorbed into my words. When I’ve reached this point, there is no turning back. I deal with rude customers every single day, from people telling me how we should run the business (as if I have a say in that…) to yelling at me about something that went wrong (another thing I don’t have control over).

There are things that people can do to put a little kindness out there even if they aren’t feeling it. Such as if someone says ‘have a nice day’ you don’t say ‘uh huh’ ‘yep’ or ‘whatever’. You reply with something like ‘you as well’ ‘you too’ or ‘thanks, and you’. Especially over the phone to a (usually) very busy receptionist who is kind and polite and does her damnedest to get you to who you need to speak with.

Other things I recommend against (which I have to deal with every time I become acting receptionist) is not to repeatedly call back when you get someone’s voice mail. Especially if it’s lunch hour. Calling back to the front desk 5 times in a row isn’t going to get you to someone any quicker and anyone who goes into voice mail before you will get called back first. These are the things you should consider.

Yelling at the receptionist will only get you kindness in a facetious manner (at least from me) and you’re screwed. We will make sure someone knows you’re being an ass and therefore you’ll be treated with kindness in a condescending manner as needed.

On that note, I do hope you have a fantastic evening. Enjoy.

Hot Cocoa Faerie

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I happen to have a love of hot cocoa. Especially at work where our free drinks are coffee, tea, water and more coffee. I have my coffee at home and (to be honest) can’t stand the coffee at work. It’s way too bitter and unless I take flavored creamer it’s just too much. Plus, I don’t really care to have more than the coffee I have before work. Otherwise I’m ready to collapse around 3 in the afternoon.

I asked my supervisor and the receptionist about ordering cocoa, and when we do order it, to order more than 2 boxes at a time (because we order it when we order coffee and two boxes of cocoa doesn’t compare to the huge box of coffee we get). My supervisor didn’t think it would be an issue and the receptionist said she would ask. I also emailed the person in charge of ordering it to find out if it would be an issue. I mean.. it’s cocoa!

After covering the front desk, getting sucked into a meeting to be told we had another meeting scheduled on Thursday and to ask any questions needing answers I decided to take lunch. Since I had already eaten lunch while covering the front desk I decided to utilize that time for personal computer time (reading and replying to personal email; posting about NaNoBloMo) and what did I find at my desk? A personal box of Swiss Miss Rich Hot Cocoa mix on my desk. My. Own. Box. For work we order the 60 count boxes. But THIS was extra special because it was Mine. And because it was Rich, not milk!

I heart my cocoa faerie, wherever they may be. (And yes, I did thank the faerie!)


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So, NaNoBloMo starts today, but if you want to sign up and don’t have 2 minutes scheduled to do so today, you can still sign up until the 5th, then it’s closed and you’re out of luck.

Not sure why I signed up, other than if I had a reason to blog each and every day I just might do it. That’s the only rule, you have to blog each day of November. Today I’m letting you know that it’s starting but I may blog about something that happened through my mind earlier. I haven’t decided yet. Still writing behind the scenes but nothing has been finished. It either sounds way too nasty to post or I go off on a tangent and end up in another time and place which leaves me lost as to how I got there myself.

Nothing much goes on with me other than work and housework and running the Little Lady around to all her school projects they have to do in groups and so forth. While that might seem enough to write about for some, I prefer writing about other things going on. I’m on book 11 of the Stephanie Plum saga by Janet Evanovich but haven’t written about one book. I started Bloodlines by Richelle Mead (spin off to the Vampire Academy saga) but it seems every time I start to read I have this urge to do something else.

Want to hear a dirty little secret? I started watching the Vampire Diaries on netflix. Yeah… to you that might not be such a dirty little secret, but it is to me. Especially since I can’t get enough of Damon. Of course I’d be hot for the psychopathic brother (I love how vicious he is).

I suppose this is enough for now, I’ll be back later, or tomorrow. Until then, Enjoy.

About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

Disillusioned is best viewed in 1280x800 resolution.

To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at, comments are open for business with approval.


About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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Michelle C. Miller
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