February 2012 Archives

(Not) Your Punching Bag

A "body opponent bag" on a pedestal ...
I am to the point of no return.  I am tired of being touched, having my chair run into and (oddly enough), most of all, I am extremely tired of having my head hit.  That's right, I've said it. Over and Over Again.  My head is not your punching bag.

While I do enjoy having a good laugh with someone, or joke with someone, I try not to touch anyone and if I do, it sure as hell isn't their head.  I'd say something to human resources but I didn't think it was going to become such a huge freaking issue.  (To this point, I still haven't and hopefully people I work with won't be reading this post. Ever. If you do happen to work with me, go away now.)

I tend to listen to music at work in order to tune out all the happenings around me, especially when they are talking numbers or prices and I am entering numbers and/or prices.  With the music on and depending on the volume around me, possibly turned up, I rarely hear anyone walk by.  Or hear them talk to me.  They have to usually touch me on my shoulder to get my attention.  This is acceptable.  It's what I would do in the reverse situation. 

Lately though it seems as if every single person who walks by is either running into my chair, shaking my chair, walking so close to me that the hair raises up on the back of my neck in a 'holy shit something comes this way and they are too close' manner or hitting me in my head in some way.  It's been happening so often lately that I now feel as if it is done on purpose.  If it doesn't stop, I may quit my job to get away from the morons who seem to think hitting a person in their head is an acceptable way of saying "Hey there!"

One incident I had someone come up behind me when in the doorway of a coworker having a conversation knock (not lightly either) on the back of my head.  I turned around and very calmly said "Please hit me in the head again so that I may hurt you."  I feel as if this would be in self-defense at this point with the way it keeps happening.  With the radical weather we have been having I've been having some major crazy reactions with my sinuses.  I know I am not the only one who has this problem.  I also know that I mention this problem once in awhile where those who hit me in the head should fucking know better than to do so.

On one lovely crazy-weather day my sinuses were causing me pain in the left side of my face.  Usually it's the back of my head or the face, but this day it was from the top of my head, left temple area, all the way down into my neck and shoulder area.  I. Was. In. Pain. and advil wasn't working for me that day.  Someone, a driver, walked by, possibly said something (I had some form of gentle-type music on instead of screamer music and completely tuned out as much going on around me as I could) and then hit me in the face with his money bag.  It was empty, but it still fucking hurt, since it was the left side of my face.  I just sat there. The shock and the amount of pain that ran from the top of my head down my neck and shoulder was simply too much.  Again, I said nothing.  I couldn't move let alone speak.

I've asked people to not hit me in the head.  I mean, it's obvious, or so I thought, that the head shouldn't be messed with unless you are defending yourself and trying to ward off an attacker. 

It's bad enough that I have to deal with the Nosey Bitch in the office, looking over my shoulder, reporting every little thing that I do on the computer that might be 'bad'.  I asked to move into the empty cubicle because of that and due to people congregating around my little workspace desk having impromptu meetings.  I was told the OK was given for me to move into the empty cube but I wasn't allowed to be told yet.  I'm not sure what kind of fucked up bullshit that is, however, if I don't get "official permission" to move in there within the week I may quit before I hurt someone and end up in jail.

I'm a tough broad.  I can take a lot when it comes to physical pain but when people start hitting me in the head when I'm already hurting, it starts to create a rush of rage and a desire to lash out, strike back, cause the person the same amount of pain they just caused me, if not more. 

Maybe I need to hang a sign, like the ones we have around the office that are ridiculous (like the restroom sign to wash your hands, turn off the lights, flush the toilet, not to put feminine products in the toilet...etc).  I could have it say "Please don't hit me in the head.  If you require to speak to me and I have music on please TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER." but then with my luck people will be assholes (since generally everyone is an asshole) and will tap me on the shoulder every time they walk by.  To piss me off even more than usual. 

I'm read to declare war.  Perhaps I'll put a sign up that says DEFCON 1.5. The remarks I make such as "Don't hit me in the head again or I will kill you." haven't been working.  Maybe when someone hits me in the head I'll slap them with the metal ruler I have, do you think that would be equivalent exchange?

Any assistance regarding this situation, other than going to human resources, would be extremely helpful.  It's not my dream job or anything but it (almost barely) pays the bills.

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Single & Loving It - Valentine Edition

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heart1.jpgWell hello out there to all you singles on Valentine's Day! I know there are a lot of people out there who dread being single on this famed holiday of shoving happy coupledom into your face and the fact that you don't have another half let alone a better half.  Don't let this get you down however.  Think of all the people out there who are in a relationship and wish they were single (they do exist) for any reason from feeling as if they are unable to do the things they want or are trapped in an unhappy relationship.  Consider yourself wise, consider yourself blessed, that you can move through each day supporting yourself and your loved ones without having to rely on a partner.  There are so many people out there who dislike being alone so very much that they enter into relationships without thinking things through, then they get trapped or find out who the person really is and can't afford to leave.

I for one am done.  I am not even really dating or looking for anyone to date.  I tend to have to repeat this to people on a regular basis.  If my hair looks especially well done they think I'm made up for someone (it just means I got my ass out of bed on time) or if my makeup is more well defined I must be looking to attract a man or I must be dating a man (again, just got my ass up on time or for whatever reason my skin was looking ah-mazingk that day).  However I simply enjoy looking good for myself. The better I look the better I feel.

There are so many things you can do every day, not just Valentine's Day, to improve yourself.  Learn something new, a language, a skill, a good habit.  If you're feeling lonely on this love-filled holiday, take yourself out to dinner or to a movie.  No, it isn't pathetic to go to the movies or out to eat by yourself, it's empowering.  Take a book and go read in the park (weather-permitting of course) or a camera and take random photos of things that catch your eye (might want to not get photos of people you don't know however...).  In other words follow the Golden Rule in a new light; treat yourself how you would want your significant other to treat you.  Buy yourself that long awaited piece of jewelry or outfit you've been eyeing. 

If you can't afford to buy yourself something or go out, then make yourself a fabulous romantic meal, light candles and make it special.  If you have other friends who are single and (hopefully) not mourning the fact you could include them on the dinner and have them bring items to the table.  Relive your favorite relationship stories with them (stick to the funny ones), tell them the new things you are doing to improve yourself and see if they are interested in joining you.

There is never a need to force yourself into doing things that make you uncomfortable.  You are not cheating yourself out of a spicier life by being single.  So get out there and do all the things you want to do.  There is always a way you just have to look a little deeper to find it.  Also, don't forget that you can always find some chocolate delight for 50% off - which is the true highlight of this holiday!


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Altered Design

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If you follow my graphic/design/etc blog then you know that I tend to post all of my graphics over there.  Here is a link to one I did from Planet Photoshop over the weekend: Misc: Photoshop Tutorial and I decided to alter it slightly.  I don't want to post it over there, it might be too much.  So here it is for you and I know you'll get the point. 


(Click to Enlarge) - I felt this is much more my style.  There are some alterations other than the text, though, such as adding a halftone to the boxes.  I meant to add them to the gradient but that wasn't working.  I also changed the blend mode on that layer to linear or vivid light.  Have a great day. 
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Let Them Eat (Pan)Cake

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pancake.jpgNormally I wouldn't touch breakfast with a ten foot pole. Not because I don't like food, because damn, I so love food. I rarely eat before 10am and sometimes when I do it upsets my stomach.  So I tend to stick to my milk/flavored creamer/sugar filled coffee.  For whatever reason it doesn't upset my stomach in the least.  

Today the Little Lady brought the pancake box in and yelled at me in Spanish (which I understand hardly anything of) asking if I wanted pancakes.  I said no, then she yelled at me, again, in Spanish.  So I acquiesced.  I know, I surrendered, it rarely happens so mark your calendar for this momentous event.

I asked for two small pancakes.  These two small pancakes were what I was given.  I had to take a photo of them.  Aren't they just the most perfect pancakes you've ever seen?  They were damn delicious, too.  I think she added cinnamon and vanilla to the batter.  Normally I don't take butter on my pancakes but she put it on there anyway.  No problem though, I wolfed them down with no issues.  Now I sit here enjoying my coffee.  Today is going to be a fantastic day.  I hope yours will be as well.  

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Photo of the Day

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Goodmorning, there.  I thought since I didn't really like the last photos I took for profile pics I'd take one this morning and see how it turned out.  Not too sure about my eye makeup but otherwise I think it looks alright.  I hope each of you have a fabulous friday and an even better weekend. 

If you want to read some really cool people you should head over to Redneck Mommy and Backpacking Dad.  You should also follow them on Twitter, Facebook and Google+.  There are so many other people you should follow as well so just check out my Twitter Feed SwtlyEvil and follow Mominatrix, ThatKristen and several others.  Just do it already.  

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Dear Nosey Bitch

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This post is full of anger and rage and general psychotic tendencies. Please do not continue if you can't handle the sarcasm. Thank you and have a fantastic day.


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Communication (in case you couldn't sound it out) as defined by the dictionary.com website:

1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated. 

2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. 

3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted. 

4. a document or message imparting news, views, information, etc. 

5. passage, or an opportunity or means of passage, between places. 

I don't think I have issues communicating with others, but some might think I do.  I'm not someone who is going to call you, email you, text you or show up on your doorstep if I don't have anything exciting going on.  I certainly would not show up to your door unannounced, even with people who are considered family.  I hope they would be kind enough to give me notice as well, though they are the only ones allowed to show up unannounced.

I tend to get remarks like 'just thought I'd call to see if you were alive' and so forth.  Uhm, well, you are a friend on facebook, so I'm sure you'd know I was dead as my daughter would so kindly update my status as to "Died of {insert cause here}".  I'm also on Twitter, Myspace and Google+.  I have one main email address that everyone who needs to know should know by now. I have a cell phone that people who are important enough to me have the number to.  I am reachable by all of these things.  But no, I don't make much of an effort to keep in touch.  Why?

Well.  I'm not much of a people person. Yes, there are those people who I care about, but I have to deal with people all day long.  I hardly talk to them either and sometimes that upsets them as well.  I won't apologize for my behavior, it's who I am.  I don't want to know every nitty gritty detail into your life or about the skeletons in your closet.  Unless you wish to share them, or need someone to listen, or if you have a question you want my opinion on then your life is your life.  Sometimes I will ask questions and I'm always afraid that they may get upset with me.  I make it clear that people can ask me anything at all and I'll do the best I can to answer honestly.  The rule is don't ask me anything if you think that the answer is something that will offend you because I don't care.  You asked, you're getting the answer. What happens after that, the nightmares it causes, the views of your world that get skewed, that's all your problem.

The clincher to this whole thing is that you are not me and you like to communicate with me.  Just because I don't take that step to contact you first isn't a blatant disregard of your well-being. It simply means that I didn't contact you.  If you call I will pick up the phone. Text me? I'll reply or forward back whatever crazy thing you forwarded to me so you know I got 'the message'.  Emailing me isn't always the best way but it does come right away and I generally have access to it almost all the time (best to text me).  If on some chance that I don't reply right away? I'm probably enjoying a hot steamy shower in all it's good steaminess.

Seriously though. It's not that I don't care.  It's that I don't care for the drama.  Everyone has drama, even I have drama.  I don't care to spread my drama and I try really hard not to do so.  I try to stay positive and in today's world that's very hard to do.  I don't want to spread my negativity around.  Though I do vent now and again about people and events that don't make any sense or drive me to wonder how on earth we are ever going to make it through whatever, if anything, happens on December 21st.

Alright, so I may text now and then, but does it always have to be me that starts a conversation? Am I the one who always has to make that first phone call? It's rare that I don't answer the phone or reply to a text or email and I'm always the one who is accused of being non-communicative.  I'm here. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I know that each and every one of you have very busy lives with lots of things going on.  You're welcome to contact me when you need me, or when you think of me, or when you want to ask someone a question who will give you an honest answer.  I am who I am, not who everyone says or thinks I am.  I'm just me and I'll be over here just 'being' the way I like it.  

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Book Review: Massive Book Review

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I know that I haven't done a book review in... well who knows how long... but it's been killing me when I haven't been doing them.  I've been consuming books as if they were keeping my life sustained here and there.  A couple of weekends ago I read 2.5 books.  So, let me open my Adobe Digital Editions thingie and let you know what I've been reading.

I've officially finished the Georgina Kincaid (Succubus Series) by Richelle Mead.  If you lost yourself somewhere in this saga, pick it the hell back up.  The ending is worth it.  It's the best ending to a love story that I have ever read in my entire life.  If this were my life, I would want this ending, I would fight for this ending and I would kill anyone in my way to get the ending.  Oh, yes, I *still* want Carter to be my Guardian Angel, no one else will do.  

I am currently caught up on the Sookie Stackhouse saga by Charlaine Harris.  I know, I know, I should've been caught up ages ago.  But now I'm really caught up.  I'm truly impressed with Sookie.  With everything that she has been through regarding her fae family and the vampires, the weres and some psycho trying to kill her, she gets up every day and goes to work.  She gets up every day and takes care of business, does her job, takes care of her house, deals with her family, plans and throws a baby shower for her best friend.  If anyone is running for their life as much as Sookie is, it would be Cassandra Palmer from the Dark Magic saga by Karen Chance, which I previously reviewed as "a rollercoaster ride of almost dying and almost sex".

Even though I skim the sex scenes because sometimes they are too much or too often (Sorry, Laurell) I have caught up on the Anita Blake saga by Laurell K. Hamilton.  Hit List was pretty damn good.  The Harlequin have been ... well, I'm not sure if they are officially absorbed into their Kiss or what.  The Mother of Darkness has been... consumed.  You have to read it, just do it, skim the sex scenes like I do.

I read Unearthly by Cynthia Hand in one day.  ONE DAY.  It's Young Adult and all but I don't recall the last time I read a book in one day.  It was interesting to say the least, a whole new type of supernatural.  A teen girl is quarter-angel and she is given a purpose, as are all those who have enough Angel DNA in them are and her family moves several states over in order for her to fulfill her purpose.  It turns out she's supposed to save someone.  It turns out all backwards though when she falls in love with someone and their life is in danger at the same time she's supposed to save this other person.  She meets others of her kind who know a lot more than she does about the whole 'being an angel' gig and tries to learn what's going on.  I actually can't wait to see the next book come out.

I've gotten to book 15, yeah FIFTEEN, of the Stephanie Plum saga by Janet Evanovich.  Badly though, I read it in my head using a horrible Jersey accent and I'm so excited about this being on the Big Screen.  I can't wait to see One for the Money!  Although, the guy who plays Ranger... doesn't look like the ranger in my mind dammit.  Anyway, with all the trouble that Stephanie finds herself in it's probably a really good thing that these are non-supernatural books.  Probably the first I've read in a long (very long) time.

Don't let me forget about the Vampire Academy spin-off of the Sydney Sage series by Richelle Mead.  If you haven't read Vampire Academy, do not read these novels until you do or you'll have no idea what Sydney's history is with the Moroi and Dhampirs. Just trust me, okay?  Sydney is amazing. Intelligent, beautiful, a lover of knowledge and learning.  Unfortunately, her family history is full of dogma and they are a very controlling lot.  She's an Alchemist (not like Full Metal, okay?) and helps by disintegrating Strigoi when they are staked.  She's also discovering more about herself now that she's away from her overindulgent family once again.  Sydney has to be careful though, she may be the current heroine thanks to the good she did in Bloodlines but she doesn't want to do anything that will end up getting her sent to a Re-Education Center. I can't wait to read The Golden Lily!

I've finally gotten my hands on the Black Dagger Brotherhood books, so I've started that.  I'm not entirely sure about them just yet but I will try to get back to you.  So, yes to all of these, even the Karen Chance novels if you like rollercoasters (see, there's always a catch) and the Anita Blake series if you can skim through the sex scenes like I can (or hey, maybe you like tons and tons and TONS of amazing scream inducing sex - even I need it now and again). 

Bottom line, though? Go grab a book, even an audio book and start reading.  If it weren't for books I would definitely be in a padded room. So thank you to each and every one of the authors for every book I've ever read. 

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About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

Disillusioned is best viewed in 1280x800 resolution.

To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at sweetly-evil.org, comments are open for business with approval.


About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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This page is an archive of entries from February 2012 listed from newest to oldest.

January 2012 is the previous archive.

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Michelle C. Miller
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