First off, if you've never ever been over to Pajamas & Coffee (lovingly known as PJ&C) you haven't lived or laughed properly. BUT WAIT! Don't go there, yet, stay here and read my review of MaryMac's hilarious new docu-novel ebook called the Hump Day Diaries because it's just that freaking great.
Now I'm going to click the tab labeled 'Extended' because this post is going to be RAUNCHY. If you can't handle RAUNCHY or even NAUGHTY then go buy the book for your trashy sibling. Yeah, I said it.
(I mentioned to Little Lady how many times I used the word 'porn' in this post and she said maybe I should change it to 'sexual excitement'. This is the reason I love and keep her.)
Hey so you made it to the 'extended' post! I'm so proud of you for grabbing your balls and taking the plunge. Metaphorically, yo. Sheesh.
This post is written while listening to the Ke$ha station on my IHeart.com account. Yeah! GO RAUNCHY!
To put it bluntly MaryMac puts it all out there on the line when it comes to her ebook "Hump Day Diaries" and you should appreciate it beyond anything else going on out there. The simple fact that she was this open and honest on her blog says an awful lot about Mary. She's the bravest woman I know right now. Think about it and the women in your life. How many of them would honestly come out and tell you, with a compulsion of absolute confidentiality, that they are a "vibrator virgin"? How many of them who would honestly tell you would have the balls to tell the world? Yeah, so she's one brave cookie and I adore every beautiful inch of her.
When Mary went to work for a family magazine she had a few important decisions to make regarding her blog Pajamas & Coffee. Speaking with her publisher they decided it might not be the best thing to have her name Googled and be plastered with posts regarding her adventures in testing out various sex toys and other related items. I honestly don't know anyone who hasn't seen porn before, but then again, I don't go around asking such questions either. Now if you walked up to me and said "I've never watched porn in my life before." I'd either wonder why the fuck some stranger on the street would have the balls to tell me that or I'd be wondering what nunnery you grew up in. You can't not see porn anymore, if you look at tv lately, most shows are filling up with a shitload of the soft-core stuff. Let me tell you, I'd rather watch the soft-core porn on tv than the horrible way women are treated in porn on the internet and so-called movies. Doing what she felt was right Mary took the Hump Day Diaries posts down. They were deleted from the public eye. Luckily she kept copies of them and they have once again seen the light of day as an ebook.
Mary kindly lent me a copy of the book so that I could write a review about it. I read it in a couple of hours. I couldn't stop reading it once I started and when the landlord showed up I had to hide it behind other windows on the laptop. There was no way in hell I was stopping until I read the last line. I laughed so hard while reading it that I not only cried but I'm in a little bit of pain from it. Any book that makes me laugh like this is definitely something that people should read. Alright, not all people, but people who can handle the humor. Mary is like me, full of sarcasm and not-niceness and I love the fact that I'm not alone in the cold cruel world with this outlook. (It's a survival instinct, k?)
Here are some of the things that made me burst out laughing, upping the annoyance factor for my dear daughter in the process:
- She put in the lyrics for Rubber Ducky, You're the One (No really she did).
- I've never heard anyone in my entire 35 years ever call a vagina "Chattahoochie". That song has new meaning for me now.
- "Repressed Recovering Catholic" - Please don't fall off the wagon, Mary! (While I'm not, nor have ever been, Catholic I know many of them and wish I could put them out of their guilt-trip misery... )
- This woman talked about sex without going into detail about the sex. Points!
- She uses profanity like it's a sex toy.
- Mary ask's Tom Cruise for help... AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- I didn't think it was possible to learn anything from the real Jersey Shore let alone a porn parody of the show... Huh... learning something new each and every day.
- I now want a slut paddle. There is no use required it's just to have it.
- I never thought I'd want a pair of those vibrating panties but after reading her post on them... hell yeah!
- Even though I am single I have this urge to buy the Bad Boyfriend Voodoo Doll. Yeah. YEAH
There are so many things I could list in this book that made me need tissues (of course we are all out so I was wiping my face with my shirt) because of how damn entertaining it is. That was the goal after all, right Mary? To entertain us with your exploits and explorations into the world of Sex Toys and Porn? You get a ginormous A+ on this ebook. I couldn't have written any of these posts even half as funny as you have done and I am sorry that you had to take them off of your blog for any reason whatsoever.
Now that you've read my review, go buy the damn ebook and laugh your ass off until you can't see through the tears any longer. You can get it here: