There are so many people out there these days who open their mouths and words fall out. Words they didn't even realize shouldn't have been said. Words that cause hurt and pain and (sometimes) irrevocable Grand Canyon-sized cracks. These people go through life trying to create relationships and instead end up razing them to the ground, salting the earth and then wonder why they are all alone in the vast universe. They never stop to think that it might be something that fell out of their mouth, words that they couldn't stop from flowing out like a burst water pipe in the city.
I feel that this is why our world is in tatters. Instead of trying to be thoughtful and kind people are constantly trying to bring each other down. I prefer to keep my mouth shut as often as possible because the things that pop into my head are not always anywhere near the realm of kind. I don't like saying anything mean about people but there are times where it just needs to be said and dealt with and then figure out a way to get passed it. I feel horrible for the young adults my daughter's age. She's a lot like me when it comes to the thoughts that run through her head and she does her best to restrain herself as well. I wish, I truly, deeply wish, that these young adults she is around all the time would learn the benefits of doing so themselves.
My daughter works for a not-quite local semi-fast food place. She tries to make the best with everyone in school and everyone at work. She does her job, and she does it well, then she comes home. If I am still up when she gets home, or even a couple of days later when she stops to think about things, she vents. Oh boy does she have reason to do so. Now we all know that most teenagers are crazy. My daughter is a good kid. She's amazing in school, she's got a good head on her shoulders and she knows what she wants to do with her life (for the most part). She doesn't do rumors, she can't really stand gossip and she prefers telling the truth. She will listen to her friends rant and rave about their lives, anything they happen to need to get off their chests, no matter how personal and then moves on with life in general.
She doesn't care about what they do in their private lives and she doesn't care to have to deal with other people's dirty laundry or skeletons. Her and I are a lot alike in that way. I will listen to you. I will offer advice if you feel the need, or my point of view, or I'll ask questions to help you clarify what's really going on. I never get both sides to any story, however. I don't share too much of my private life. I don't feel a need to divulge the details to people that I am not personally involved with long enough that I feel they are priviliged to such information. There are people who are very special to me that will never know all my deepest darkest deadliest secrets. I feel that protects them and me. I don't want things I have done, on a deeply private level, to change how they think or feel for me.
So there's this boy that my daughter works with. He's a nice kid. I haven't personally gotten to meet him and I know they aren't dating or sleeping together. My daughter tells me everything. Everything. It makes her feel better that we can have that kind of relationship and it makes me feel good that my daughter can come to me. If she couldn't come to me, she might end up going to someone else. Someone who might steer her in the wrong direction. Someone who might give her bad advice. Someone who would think I am a horrible person for not being there for my daughter. I feel this way about many parents. MANY PARENTS. Please, PLEASE, be an open-minded parent and let your children come to you. FREELY of their own accord. Don't force it on them because that will push them away.
Anyway, there's this boy... and years ago when this other girl worked where they currently work he had a one-time thing with this girl. Now she works there again. Nothing is going on, however, people found out about the one time before, including my daughter. The girl kept her mouth shut and didn't say one way or the other if it was true. Personally, these things aren't anyone's business at all. The girl finally said to my daughter 'this is true' and my daughter said 'I already knew' in a way that said 'I know and it doesn't matter or change the way I think of you/him/, no big deal'. The girl took this the wrong way. She then texted the boy saying my daughter called her out and all these horrible things. The boy didn't talk to my daughter for three days after accusing her of doing this through text, without telling her what it was. She finally texted him again asking if they could talk about whatever it was she did to piss him off like adults. So he finally told her and she was like WTF? Then told him what really happened.
Now for the point to this whole post. She can't even look at this girl anymore without thinking 'what a two-faced bitch'. She can't think of her as a friend because of how horribly this girl lied about her. Yet she has to go to work and act like everything is just hunky dory between them because that is my daughter. That is how we both are. We will smile and move on with life and when we don't ask how you're doing or what's going on in your life perhaps you'll wonder why and then think 'does she know?'.
Yes. Yes we do know. We do not need fake friends. We do not have any desire to be involved in your schemes. We sure as hell refuse to be a piece on your gameboard. This is the only game that you can truly win by not playing at all. Or, better yet, playing honestly and without any remorse for those who fall from trying to manipulate, lie, cheat and steal.
So, before you speak, did you think?