Oblivious

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Sometimes there are days I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Not with work or life in general but with the amount of information that I am entrusted with. These are the days I think about when I wanted to become a therapist or counselor ages ago; prior to my introduction to the internet and chat rooms and people who lost their knowledge of what boundaries are. Now, I didn't want to help people in the sense of telling them how to change their outlook on life or the way they do things in their life either. I simply wanted to be their confidant, someone they could completely unload everything they were going through and feelings to someone who wouldn't go around gossiping and adding salacious details that were figments of imagination or judging their choices. I wanted them to be able to feel as if they didn't have to carry everything alone.

However, my mind changed after the introduction to the internet and chat rooms and boundary-less people. Even though it was only in text {multi-colored, multi-styled, sometimes *cringe* Comic Sans font} it was still a touch overwhelming. How did I know they were being truthful? Did it matter that they were truthful? Not really. Even then I didn't take every single person I met to heart and bared my soul to them. I learned the hard way in high school what happens when you do that.

It feels horrible to entrust information to someone only have it twisted, darkened and spread like a super-bug. You know the instant it is with the way people look at you sideways and a look of horror or curiosity on their face. Then you start to feel it, the embarrassment, the heat that spread from your stomach throughout your body and the wondering of which secret it was, who may have turned it into idle gossip with a dash of lies. So you stop trusting, you withdraw into your bubble and build walls around your heart, mind and soul. It can be a lonely place, but it feels safe there and it's hard to come back out once you've created your own personal prison.

But this post has nothing to do with gossip or even holding onto people's secrets like they are your own. It's about me being oblivious.

I completely admit it. I. Am. Oblivious. In a way, I blame my mother for this one, however, the past several years since she has passed away are my own fault because I haven't made the effort to change that about myself. I am oblivious when it comes to people's needs. I am so used to those around me being very vocal about what they need that I don't stop to look, assess the situation of the person, verify what they possibly might need in order to move forward and then do something in order to help them on their way. 

Sometimes I think people wonder if I am shy or snobby or selfish. Honestly, I am just oblivious. I actually told two friends today that I am oblivious to people's needs and if you ever need anything to please ask. I plan on telling some other friends this as well because it's so very true and perhaps if they start telling me when they need something I'll be able to spot the things they need in the future much easier. So in helping me to help them perhaps I'll be better equipped to help them in the future without being asked. {This is the goal, anyway.} I do ask if there's anything I can do to help, but if they tell me no, then what am I supposed to do? Where do I go from there? Generally, I move along in life and try to remember and ask at a later point how things turned out. 

Personally, I accept me as I am, obliviousness and all, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to change in order to help people I care about.

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About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

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To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at sweetly-evil.org, comments are open for business with approval.

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About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Chelle published on March 26, 2013 5:41 PM.

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Michelle C. Miller
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