It's probably a really good thing that I leave my shovel at home in the garage. If I happened to carry it with me everywhere, I would most likely be in jail. There are some people who annoy me so easily and I can't figure out why. Some days when they are hitting the buttons with a baseball bat I feel like there is something wrong with me because I want to hit them in the face with a shovel. The reason I feel that something is wrong with me is because I am not even interacting with them. I don't work directly with them and don't see them anywhere other than work.
So why are they affecting me so much?
It just seems like they can't get themselves together. They can't do anything on time. However if someone else flings something at them and there isn't enough lead time they flip out. Flip. Out. The world is crashing down around them and everything is wrong or bad or upsetting.
It's like Chicken Little on crack.
I am both logical and creative. I can look at something either way. I can't even visualize walls around me to keep out the excessive waves of wasted emotion coming through and engulfing me. So it makes me want to put the person out of their misery. Obviously that's what is required, right? I just can't understand how someone can be OCD (so they claim) and a perfectionist (so they claim) and not get anything done on time. It's either "wander around and chat" or "I'm so far behind I can't do this" day. Every day is different and yet the same.
I also though I might be angry due to low blood sugar or hunger. I ruled that out by having some hot cocoa.
I also feel a little jealous of their freedom. The freedom to throw a hissy fit at the drop of a hat over anything. I have cultivated the self-control on my emotions for so long I don't know what it feels like to let go. It's been a long time. Not that I want to explode all over someone and ruin their day but just to let it out and crash into others and force them to deal with how I feel for once instead of them.
However I find that rude and I can't stand the fact that they can't control themselves. I highly doubt anyone reveres me because of my self-control. I think I need a day off. I would take one but I don't get too many and I don't want to use them all up. So here I am. Trying to rebuild my walls, my emotional jail cell, back up and reinforce it with whatever strength I can muster up.