May 2013 Archives

Dear Daughter...

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anmprom13-reflection.jpgMy daughter is graduating today and then she'll be running away to University in August. Am I prepared for this? How do you prepare to send your only child off into the world even when it's not all that far away? You remind yourself that she's no longer a child, she's an adult with dreams and desires and a life full of opportunities ahead of her. You realize that even though you are sending her out into that world, that world that will not treat her as kindly as you'd like, she will always forever be your child. When things get rough she will turn to you and ask 'why' and when things are going great she might not call all that often because she's spreading her wings and riding high on the fun opportunities presented to her.  Even though she will come home on some weekends to do laundry you might not get to see her all that much because she will be running off to do things with friends who are also home for that weekend and she hasn't seen them for ages.  You both have been together for 18+ years. Just because she is going to be sleeping in a dorm suite a few hours drive away doesn't mean she isn't still technically living at home.  Most of her things will still be in her room and it'll even remain clean more often than having piles of clothes on the floor.  {And if you miss her so very much and want it to feel like she's there you can always go throw her clothes on the floor... just don't tell her that!}

So how do you send your child off into the great big world? Well loved, well nutured and with the knowledge that she can still call you whenever and come home whenever and that you'll still be there all the time, just like you are now, except a little further away. You send her silly care packages to let her know that you saw something and thought it was something she needed to see, even if it's something she'd have no interest in, just because she wasn't there to share in the moment.    You make sure to annoy her when she's home so that she's sure to annoy you back to carry you through the weeks that she isn't going to be home. Make sure to laugh and do fun things when she's home and that way she'll want to come back. 

Remember that she is an adult and is capable of making her own choices. That sometimes you won't agree with the choices that she makes but the best way to learn is to go out there and live life on your own terms. Of course, she'll always be your baby girl and regardless of how far she goes in life she'll always know that if she needs her momma, she'll be there.

I'm so proud of my daughter. I hope that everything she wants in life comes true and I know that she knows with some hard work and good choices that it will.

Good Morning, Monday

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smiley.jpgYes, another Monday has arrived and with it the sun is shining brightly, the birds are chirping merrily and the people are just as annoying as always. Why does Monday bring such hate? Now, don't get me wrong, Monday is definitely not my favorite day of the week. However I try my best to get through it with as little drama and crazy as possible. That's not so easy when more than half of the people around you are whining that it's yet another manic Monday. Most days leave me wondering how people breathe without having to constantly think about it, but Monday... well, I have to remember to breathe to get through it myself. Controlled breathing, so that I don't fly off the handle and beat someone with my phone or stab them with the scissors. Those things land you in bad places. And I look horrible in any prison color.

Sometimes listening to music helps. I turn on a random iHeart station on my phone in the morning to help me wake up. I listen to music through the day, especially if people are throwing their negativity around like shit hitting the fan. Most Mondays are slow for me so it seems extra hard to get through them. Everyone else is in their blah-die-blah mood and I'm just trying not to get caught in the crossfire. 

Today I can't seem to wake up though. I had my coffee. I have even eaten an orange. My sinuses are trying to drown me but I'm afraid that if I take something it will start to put me to sleep. That's the last thing I need since I already took a half a day off because of that very reason. Luckily, it is almost noon and that means it's almost over. I am so close to leaving that I can almost touch it.

I think I will be taking a little nap when I get home. Little Lady has to work today so that shouldn't be too difficult. Try to enjoy your Monday and if there is no way possible for you to do so then please do everyone around you a favor and keep your bad Monday vibes to yourself. 

When Life Gets Hard....

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This post will probably offend you but this is my space so I couldn't care any less if it does or not.... continue of your own free will.

Dear....

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letter.jpgDear Person Who Truly Pissed Me The Fuck Off,

I am sick. Some combination between a head cold and allergies. My supervisor so kindly let me go home for half the day yesterday. I got home about 20 after 12, changed, took out my contacts and brushed my teeth. Then I crawled into bed with the cat snuggled up close to fall asleep. Then you came busting in asking very loudly what I was doing home early. Not that it is any of your business, because it isn't. Then it didn't matter that I was IN BED, you open the door and say loudly {again}, 'OH, are you sick? Do you have THE FLU?'.... I was 30 seconds from falling into a deep dreamless state of actual, real, revitalizing sleep. And you fucking screwed it up. I don't sleep well often so when I actually feel that type of sleep coming on I try to seize it like a thirsty person lost in the desert does water. But no, you fucked it all up. I didn't sleep that afternoon. I was exhausted and barely capable of anything all evening. I didn't get much sleep last night either. 

So from now on when I leave work due to illness I won't be coming home. I'll go to a fleatrap motel before I come home just to have you crashing through the door again demanding information that doesn't concern you. I know that I have to be grateful to you for certain things but it doesn't mean that I don't hold your asshole attitude against you each and every time it presents itself.

I await patiently the day that I can say goodbye.

About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

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To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at sweetly-evil.org, comments are open for business with approval.

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About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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This page is an archive of entries from May 2013 listed from newest to oldest.

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Michelle C. Miller
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