February 2015 Archives

(de)Motivation

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stop.jpgDear Motivational Speaker,

First, your 'special terms' for the different aspects of people are not quirky, they are kind of stupid. You basically took terms and read off synonyms and definitions and then said 'this is what it means if you're this type'. Also, I'd like to say that people who are creative, whether it be building, designing, or other forms of art-worthy terms you read off your list, do enjoy the outcome of the project. Yes, the process of creating something is enjoyable, depending on who you're doing it for or why. However, seeing a finished project and the respect you have (hopefully) gained from people who see the finished product is a huge bonus. Telling our managers not to reward the creatives in the business after a project is finished is not only rude, you're basically saying "just keep piling the work on them so they are always 'in the process' and they'll always be content!"

Thanks, but no thanks. I've known tons of creative people over the years, in many forms of creativity, and they are always thrilled with their finished project. They wear the stuff they knit or sew. They use the stuff they build. They don't toss it in the back corner of the closet or shed and whine that it's perfect but meh, I don't want anything to do with it now that it's over. 

Second, I really didn't care to hear about how wonderful your life turned out to be. Great for you, working for that incredible organization and all. I'm sorry that becoming a parent and retiring from that incredible organization was such a trying time for you in your early 30s. 

Third... please get out of motivational speaking. The only thing you motivated in me was the wish the day would go quickly so I could get home with a nice, slow evening full of doing something creative, cooking dinner, and watching a favorite tv show. 

Thanks for wasting an hour and half of my day, it was the best part of your speech.

Funny vs Mean

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mean.jpgI see this meme all the time. I see it on facebook, I see it on twitter. This image I found over on pinterest. But, seriously, I have probably seen this a thousand and one times over the past several months.

I am quite sure that I have shared it at some point. You probably have as well. Seeing this phrase may have even made you chuckle a little and think 'yeah, that's me!' but did you stop and think about why? Are you really a mean person?

I consider myself a mean person and there are several people who know me will tell you outright that I am not mean at all. However, these people don't see the inner me, they see the public me. They don't know who I am inside my head. So when I say "I'm not really nice." I actually do mean it. 

The number of times I have had people try to contradict me on this statement astounds me. They do it because I have done something nice or without arguing. I covered their ass. I did an assignment for them. I helped them out with a project. That's why they think I am a nice person. What they don't know is that I complain inside my head (and on twitter) about things that would probably make them blush, or make them outright angry.

Let me introduce you to a saga by Jacqueline Carey called Kushiel's Legacy. In the second set of books she officially introduces you to Imriel in depth. This is after he's been rescued from a nightmare of being abused and tortured in the previous book. His goal is very simple. All you have to do is pick up Kushiel's Scion and read the back. It states "I will try to be good." That is his goal in life. It isn't wanting to be good. It isn't even being good. He says I will TRY. He will make an effort to be good. 

That is how I feel. I try to be good. Good to myself, good to others. 

I try to make good decisions. I try not to let the way other people treat me affect who I am, but that's a crock, right? Everyone everywhere is affected by something someone else has done or said. If they weren't, then we would be a bunch of emotionless automatons. I feel, therefore I exist. I have emotions, therefore I feel. I am broken, because I have been hurt.

We have such a great capacity to hurt others. There doesn't even have to be any form of actual gain to the person doing the hurting. Have I hurt people? Yes. I have hurt people. Did I do so intentionally? Sometimes, yes I damn well did. Do I feel bad about hurting someone intentionally? See, there's the rub. Not always. I have reasons for the things I do and yes, I know it's not right to hurt others, but then there's that lovely phrase "I will try to be good." and that is what I do. I try, and try again. 

We have so many chances to try to be good. To make good choices. Unfortunately, when it comes to making good choices, it isn't always clear cut whether or not the choice you make will actually turn out to be a good choice. It could be an instant knowledge that "Yes! That was an excellent choice." and then there are the "Oh, holy crap, what the fuck just went sideways and WHY?"

I will always try to be good, but like any human, I am an imperfect being and there are times where I fail utterly to be good. Let's take something I learned from a little movie called Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Be Excellent To Each Other. If you can't do that, then try to be good. 

About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

Disillusioned is best viewed in 1280x800 resolution.

To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at sweetly-evil.org, comments are open for business with approval.

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About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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Michelle C. Miller
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