Say vs Do

This is a seriously opinionated post. I'm turning comments off.

sayvsdo.jpgI don't think I have ever put a post into three categories before, but here we go. There are huge differences between saying and doing. Action versus Words. Show versus Tell. Life is choice and I like to choose how I spend my time.

People tend to think I ignore them and I want to be as honest as I can, and the only way I can say that is perhaps I do. It isn't that they are not worth my time, but my time is precious to me and there are a lot of things I dislike doing that need to get done before I can do the things I enjoy. I try my damnedest to work with a reward method, which isn't always perfect, but sometimes it works for me. Other times I am just lazy, but hey I am human and therefore imperfect. 

My daughter is not only a full-time college student, she is also an almost full-time employee, a manager and that means if the store is open she is the first person people call if there is a problem. This means that she has even less time to do the things that she enjoys because she values her education and that means lots of study time. That means less help around the house. 

Some people think the workday ends when you get off work and after that it's all play time. Not for me it isn't. And, if you think really hard about it (don't hurt yourself) it isn't for anyone else either. You don't leave work and stop working. There's laundry, dishes, cooking, and various other cleaning that needs to be done. Remember to take time to eat, drink water, shower, and go to bed to get a decent amount of sleep.

I joke about my self-control in a sarcastic way, but there are things that I have such extreme control over that I am not any fun to be around. I wish I had a wee bit of OCD when it came to cleaning. 

Yesterday, the Little Lady tells me she's getting sick. A classmate she had to work with was coughing up a storm and now she's feeling the tickle in her throat. Today, she tells me she is going to work long enough to take care of their ordering and then going home to bed. I'm a teensy bit (enormously) irritated about this other kid going to class while sick. If you're going to work or class while sick then take some medicine so you aren't coughing/sneeze/wheezing all over people. If you can't afford the medicine then you are better off staying home. Honestly, you are.

I went straight home yesterday after work because I didn't have to run any errands. On my way home the tire indicator came on. When I got home the first thing I did was put air in that tire. While doing so I noticed air is hissing between the tire and the rim. That means I'm going to have to put air in it again so that I can make it somewhere after work to get it looked at. 

In the meantime, people are messaging me, texting me, etc. I go in the house and toss the mail onto the kitchen table. I change out of my work clothes and then sit down with a glass of orange juice and two advil because it's been 'one of those days'. Once that's done I go back out and take the air compressor off the tire. It's still losing air, but it'll keep overnight and perhaps until the end of work Tuesday.

Then I have to figure out what to do for dinner: Leftovers or something new? Since Little Lady has been passed out on the chair and wasn't home for dinner the night before I opt for leftovers. At this time I grab the laptop to check facebook and twitter. When the Little Lady wakes up and goes to study I start cleaning.

Unload dishwasher, then reload the dishwasher. Wipe down counters. Go through mail. Declutter kitchen table. Sweep floors. Wipe down the bathroom.Then I decide it's time for food and heat up leftovers. Little Lady hears the microwave and asks for toast. I make her toast and take her an assortment of berries even though she's already had her 'please don't let me get sick' smoothie. She asks what I'm heating up and I tell her, she wants some, so I give her my bowl and heat up more for myself. I grab my bowl and buttered bread to settle in front of the tv while I eat.

I get home around 5ish. When I sat down this last time to eat it was 7:47pm.

But, of course, this entire time I was ignoring people. You want me to show you what it's really like to be ignored? I've had excellent experience in someone who has been ignored throughout my life.

When most of your life has been dictated to you by others who decide that their needs are always of the utmost importance eventually you are whittled down to nothing. You have nothing left to give, nothing left in reserve, nothing left to feel. It's a nothingness so deep that it can't be fathomed unless you've been there personally. And I never want to go there again. 

My relationships with people are pretty much non-existant now. I have my daughter, my best friend, and Peanut. Life is pretty much go to work, run errands, maybe go to the gym, go home. I don't even run errands and go to the gym on the same day. And when I am there I've got headphones in, music turned up, my kindle app open on the stair climber as I get my heart pumping for a mile. Sometimes I do more, sometimes I use the hydromassage, sometimes I just go home.

There are plenty of things I do alone. I'm capable of eating out alone, seeing a movie alone, and while it isn't as fun as having someone there cracking jokes with you it's much better than the considerable amount of insanity people bring with them. 

Society has no boundaries. There is no longer any self-control. People are so easily offended and things are blown out of proportion. Nothing is their fault so why on earth would you try to hold them accountable to their actions? Everyone lies. Everyone. We lie to each other, we lie to ourselves, we lie. Trust can be bought and sold if the amount is right, but that's a lie, too. 

I think people just need to stop. They need to stop lying to themselves, they need to stop lying to each other. They need to stop doing hurtful things to themselves and others. They need to learn how to be more accepting. Just because one person likes something that you completely dislike or if they believe in something you don't does not mean you need to hate, kill, beat, or otherwise torment that person. It's a learning experience. It's a way for you to learn about someone else, why do they think that way? Is it something they were taught? Did something happen that made them change?

I find some amazing people all over the world, and if they are lying to me, so be it. Since it's rare for me to include people in my private life, it doesn't matter. It isn't a life or death issue. 

Truly, though, if you wish others harm because they feel, believe, or hell breathe differently than you do then do everyone a favor and don't leave your house. Work from home, order your groceries to be delivered. Don't answer the door when the delivery person drops them off unless you have to pay or tip them or show them the credit card. 

Be kind. 

About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

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To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at sweetly-evil.org, comments are open for business with approval.

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About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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This page contains a single entry by Chelle published on March 3, 2015 9:52 AM.

(de)Motivation was the previous entry in this blog.

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Michelle C. Miller
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