Disillusioned

{kuh-myoo-ni-key-shuhn}

2012-02-06T15:41:48Z

Communication (in case you couldn't sound it out) as defined by the dictionary.com website:

1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.

2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.

3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.

4. a document or message imparting news, views, information, etc.

5. passage, or an opportunity or means of passage, between places.

I don't think I have issues communicating with others, but some might think I do. I'm not someone who is going to call you, email you, text you or show up on your doorstep if I don't have anything exciting going on. I certainly would not show up to your door unannounced, even with people who are considered family. I hope they would be kind enough to give me notice as well, though they are the only ones allowed to show up unannounced.

I tend to get remarks like 'just thought I'd call to see if you were alive' and so forth. Uhm, well, you are a friend on facebook, so I'm sure you'd know I was dead as my daughter would so kindly update my status as to "Died of {insert cause here}". I'm also on Twitter, Myspace and Google+. I have one main email address that everyone who needs to know should know by now. I have a cell phone that people who are important enough to me have the number to. I am reachable by all of these things. But no, I don't make much of an effort to keep in touch. Why?

Well. I'm not much of a people person. Yes, there are those people who I care about, but I have to deal with people all day long. I hardly talk to them either and sometimes that upsets them as well. I won't apologize for my behavior, it's who I am. I don't want to know every nitty gritty detail into your life or about the skeletons in your closet. Unless you wish to share them, or need someone to listen, or if you have a question you want my opinion on then your life is your life. Sometimes I will ask questions and I'm always afraid that they may get upset with me. I make it clear that people can ask me anything at all and I'll do the best I can to answer honestly. The rule is don't ask me anything if you think that the answer is something that will offend you because I don't care. You asked, you're getting the answer. What happens after that, the nightmares it causes, the views of your world that get skewed, that's all your problem.

The clincher to this whole thing is that you are not me and you like to communicate with me. Just because I don't take that step to contact you first isn't a blatant disregard of your well-being. It simply means that I didn't contact you. If you call I will pick up the phone. Text me? I'll reply or forward back whatever crazy thing you forwarded to me so you know I got 'the message'. Emailing me isn't always the best way but it does come right away and I generally have access to it almost all the time (best to text me). If on some chance that I don't reply right away? I'm probably enjoying a hot steamy shower in all it's good steaminess.

Seriously though. It's not that I don't care. It's that I don't care for the drama. Everyone has drama, even I have drama. I don't care to spread my drama and I try really hard not to do so. I try to stay positive and in today's world that's very hard to do. I don't want to spread my negativity around. Though I do vent now and again about people and events that don't make any sense or drive me to wonder how on earth we are ever going to make it through whatever, if anything, happens on December 21st.

Alright, so I may text now and then, but does it always have to be me that starts a conversation? Am I the one who always has to make that first phone call? It's rare that I don't answer the phone or reply to a text or email and I'm always the one who is accused of being non-communicative. I'm here. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I know that each and every one of you have very busy lives with lots of things going on. You're welcome to contact me when you need me, or when you think of me, or when you want to ask someone a question who will give you an honest answer. I am who I am, not who everyone says or thinks I am. I'm just me and I'll be over here just 'being' the way I like it.

Book Review: Massive Book Review

2012-02-05T23:25:17Z

I know that I haven't done a book review in... well who knows how long... but it's been killing me when I haven't been doing them. I've been consuming books as if they were keeping my life sustained here and there. A couple of weekends ago I read 2.5 books. So, let me open my Adobe Digital Editions thingie and let you know what I've been reading.

I've officially finished the Georgina Kincaid (Succubus Series) by Richelle Mead. If you lost yourself somewhere in this saga, pick it the hell back up. The ending is worth it. It's the best ending to a love story that I have ever read in my entire life. If this were my life, I would want this ending, I would fight for this ending and I would kill anyone in my way to get the ending. Oh, yes, I *still* want Carter to be my Guardian Angel, no one else will do.

I am currently caught up on the Sookie Stackhouse saga by Charlaine Harris. I know, I know, I should've been caught up ages ago. But now I'm really caught up. I'm truly impressed with Sookie. With everything that she has been through regarding her fae family and the vampires, the weres and some psycho trying to kill her, she gets up every day and goes to work. She gets up every day and takes care of business, does her job, takes care of her house, deals with her family, plans and throws a baby shower for her best friend. If anyone is running for their life as much as Sookie is, it would be Cassandra Palmer from the Dark Magic saga by Karen Chance, which I previously reviewed as "a rollercoaster ride of almost dying and almost sex".

Even though I skim the sex scenes because sometimes they are too much or too often (Sorry, Laurell) I have caught up on the Anita Blake saga by Laurell K. Hamilton. Hit List was pretty damn good. The Harlequin have been ... well, I'm not sure if they are officially absorbed into their Kiss or what. The Mother of Darkness has been... consumed. You have to read it, just do it, skim the sex scenes like I do.

I read Unearthly by Cynthia Hand in one day. ONE DAY. It's Young Adult and all but I don't recall the last time I read a book in one day. It was interesting to say the least, a whole new type of supernatural. A teen girl is quarter-angel and she is given a purpose, as are all those who have enough Angel DNA in them are and her family moves several states over in order for her to fulfill her purpose. It turns out she's supposed to save someone. It turns out all backwards though when she falls in love with someone and their life is in danger at the same time she's supposed to save this other person. She meets others of her kind who know a lot more than she does about the whole 'being an angel' gig and tries to learn what's going on. I actually can't wait to see the next book come out.

I've gotten to book 15, yeah FIFTEEN, of the Stephanie Plum saga by Janet Evanovich. Badly though, I read it in my head using a horrible Jersey accent and I'm so excited about this being on the Big Screen. I can't wait to see One for the Money! Although, the guy who plays Ranger... doesn't look like the ranger in my mind dammit. Anyway, with all the trouble that Stephanie finds herself in it's probably a really good thing that these are non-supernatural books. Probably the first I've read in a long (very long) time.

Don't let me forget about the Vampire Academy spin-off of the Sydney Sage series by Richelle Mead. If you haven't read Vampire Academy, do not read these novels until you do or you'll have no idea what Sydney's history is with the Moroi and Dhampirs. Just trust me, okay? Sydney is amazing. Intelligent, beautiful, a lover of knowledge and learning. Unfortunately, her family history is full of dogma and they are a very controlling lot. She's an Alchemist (not like Full Metal, okay?) and helps by disintegrating Strigoi when they are staked. She's also discovering more about herself now that she's away from her overindulgent family once again. Sydney has to be careful though, she may be the current heroine thanks to the good she did in Bloodlines but she doesn't want to do anything that will end up getting her sent to a Re-Education Center. I can't wait to read The Golden Lily!

I've finally gotten my hands on the Black Dagger Brotherhood books, so I've started that. I'm not entirely sure about them just yet but I will try to get back to you. So, yes to all of these, even the Karen Chance novels if you like rollercoasters (see, there's always a catch) and the Anita Blake series if you can skim through the sex scenes like I can (or hey, maybe you like tons and tons and TONS of amazing scream inducing sex - even I need it now and again).

Bottom line, though? Go grab a book, even an audio book and start reading. If it weren't for books I would definitely be in a padded room. So thank you to each and every one of the authors for every book I've ever read.

Peanut Pics

2012-02-01T02:05:18Z

I thought I would take the time to show you these absolutely adorable photos of our domesticated feline Peanut... and all the wonderful things she does. This is her sleeping in her bed, which I had to bribe her with catnip to do:

This is the bed we bought her forever ago, probably a few months after we got her actually. Since she never ever slept in it and basically looked at us like "Why would I sleep in that thing when I can sleep in your bed whenever the hell I want?" So I started bribing her by sprinkling catnip over the bed. She'd snuffle and rub and roll around and lick the nip and then curl up and pass out in a drugged catnippy haze.

Recently I caught her curled up on the pillow-pet Panda that I acquired one day at work. (Don't ask.) You could see her, see the panda, but not quite tell where one ended and the other started in the white areas.

By the way, you'll have to forgive the quality of these photos as they were taken with my cell phone because there aren't any batteries currently residing in my camera. There were other needs for those batteries, like the remote control for the Wii or the remote for the tv needed changed. I can't remember which now, but let's just say one of the things I'll be buying with some of my tax refund (if it ever gets here) will be some rechargeable batteries. The ones I bought over 3 years ago are almost completely nonchargeable at this point.

Here's another photo of Peanut lying across my legs from the other night. A friend of mine said I had made him cry (I keep teasing him that he has to send Peanut a 'child support check' since he thinks she's so cute and it hasn't gotten here yet.) I told him that Peanut had given up on ever getting her Kitty Support and has therefore decided to beg me for whatever she can get in return for keeping me warm.

That's our Peanut.. some days I think she forgets that she is supposed to beg her momma (Little Lady) for food, water, clean litter and love. Then she pulls this cuteness crap on me and I end up taking photos of her and petting her and talking to her in a cutesy voice that would annoy even the most sweetest person in the universe.

I have to boot her off of my bed on a regular basis when I go to bed, sometimes twice in one night, because instead of sleeping (because she gets around 16 hours a day...) she wants to cuddle and purr right in your face all night long. Only one time has this cat slept the night through in bed, at my feet, and I think that night she was possessed by the ghost of my cat, Velvet, when it happened.

Alright, you may go away from the cuteness of it all now and find your own furry fluffy animal and snuggle, pet, kiss and talk cutesy to it so it knows that you love him or her. Make sure you give over some snacks, too, all animals need a little extra snacks during the winter for having to put up with us being stuck in the house more often with them (on those really bad days we absolutely refuse to go anywhere). Goodnight all!

Working Logo

2012-01-28T17:50:00Z

Every once in awhile a good friend contacts me to do a little graphic design for him on behalf of a customer. I enjoy creating and lately I may not have been badgered all that roughly by my muse to do much of anything creative but I feel that if I play around in Photoshop or play around on Pinterest I might find something to inspire me.

So I agreed to do this logo for him for a local company in his home state. (When everything is said and done everything will go up on Exquisite, by the way.) He sends me their current artwork via email and it's this cute little line drawing with text stating the company's name. I about died At first I was completely flabbergasted as to what to do with this little line drawing, especially since the size is not all that big enough to really do much with it.

I started by cleaning up some of the lines and then copied the layer and changed the blend ode to overlay in order to make it darker. Doing just that helped quite a bit, it looked much cleaner. Still, anytime I zoomed in to work on it the amount of degradation was crazy. It's a small logo and it's going to be on their website so I suppose it doesn't have to be all that large, right? I'm working with circular text, which I'm loving how it's turning out. I'm also going to work on a banner logo in case they'd prefer a header instead.

I plan to have Little Lady redraw the logo in a larger version since she saw it and wanted to color it. Since she isn't able to draw digitally at this time (she said it, not me) she can draw a larger version, color it, then we'll scan it and see how it turns out. I think whatever she does with it will turn out amazing.

I think the one Professor for my Web Design truly challenged me when he told me he didn't think I could pull of creating an ad with a black background. When the final version was turned in he was truly impressed. To this day I do whatever it takes to challenge myself when creating graphics. From the most simplest of images to the most complex designs, I try to put all the emotion and thought I can into each project. I learn a lot from tutorials over at Planet Photoshop and many other places on the internet. It makes me glad that there are people out there who willingly share their knowledge with so many others. Being in a creative field could be considered competitive, but not in the same way as say sports. Each and every person sees each and every thing in the world differently. This makes it much more interesting to see what comes of their design, no matter what the medium it's created with. What did you create today?

It's all about me

2012-01-28T01:02:57Z

I know there are tons of people out there who write About Me pages, so I thought I'd contribute this gem of a page: About Me - Enjoy!

Refreshing Balance

2012-01-21T18:22:43Z

Saturday was not a day like any other. Friday night I had to go to bed as if it were a weekday in order to wake up quite early. I was perfectly fine with this however, as it was the most coveted day of all. SPA DAY. My first ever (real) spa day. The first thing I want to tell you is that if you do not have a decent tolerance for pain, don't get anything that includes deep tissue massage. You will be in pain. Even with my high pain tolerance I was sorely pressed at least twice. Surprisingly, there aren't any bruises.

I knew we were expecting several inches of snow, however I did not expect the plows to not touch anything other than the main highways. Which is kind of stupid since they haven't done a decent job yet since we've started getting snow that sticks to the ground. I wish I had taken a picture of our road. If there hadn't been anyone out before me on Saturday morning (I have neighbors that work odd shifts) then it would have looked as if we didn't have a road, the snow was that much and the road was that well covered. In fact, as I was leaving a truck passed up our road. The truck didn't have its blade down or the salt spraying from the back. It seemed like a huge waste of fuel to come wandering down to our little cul-de-sac just to not do anything.

Luckily, I made it safely to Casal's de Spa. When I walked in I liked the fact that they have the salon and spa completely separate, but in the same building. I was a little weirded out that you don't pay ahead of time, but after you leave. I mean they are a service industry, how can you take back a massage and facial? Anyway. From what I've read the prices at Casal's are reasonable and the service is absolutely amazing. When I arrived I was seated and served my choice of refreshment. After that I changed into a robe and came back to a nice hot bubble-filled foot bath. Right there I felt as if I found a new home. I filled out a form and had another drink, then shortly after that I was introduced to my massage therapist. Since I had requested the Chakra Balance Massage it's a bit different. She had tried to explain what chakras are to me, but luckily I already know since things got a little loud with laughter and discussion on other massage services in the waiting room. She brought out these cards with words like insight, wisdom, nourishment and so forth on them. I chose wisdom, insight and harmony. From those choices three scents were chosen to be used during my massage. I didn't ask which ones, unfortunately.

The massage was an hour of bliss, minus the couple of moments of intense pain from the deep tissue part. I lived and breathed through it. I felt really bad about how twitchy my back is. From muscle issues to nerve issues my back is not the best thing to touch. The lovely lady who performed my massage was very patient with me. I would really like to go back to her again in the spring. If I start couponing maybe I can start getting a massage every 4 months (that would be FanTasTic).

The facial was just as fabulous. It was 25 minutes of more massage on my face, neck, shoulders and upper arms. She explained the different things she'd be doing on my face due to dryness (winter...) and went to work. It was fabulous. My face never felt better than that day. The skin was so soft that I couldn't stop touching it and the scent of jasmine followed me for the rest of the day. If I can't go back for an hour long massage, I think a facial would definitely be a good alternative.

So, if you find yourself in Northeast Ohio or Western PA, feel free to hit Casal's De Spa up for a massage, facial or any of their services. Although, you'll want to make an appointment at least two weeks in advance. Or you can always pamper yourself wherever you happen to live. Enjoy!

Vicious Mindset

2012-01-10T22:31:39Z

This post is not something I would normally post here due to the amount of anger and irritation boiling inside of me. I'm drinking at the moment though so I'm slowed down just enough that I won't do anything stupid. I know, most people who drink and write do stupid things, but I tend to do them in anger, like the rest of society. Feel free to continue now that you've been warned.

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I've never before thought about how to describe myself when I get in one of my "Why can't people just leave me the hell alone", or "Why the hell did I bother getting out of bed today" (which the answer to that particular part of the question is because I have to go collect a paycheck) moods. Usually, I just consider I'm in a bad mood, I didn't get enough sleep, or actually I should say, restful sleep, because I do sleep, it just does nothing for me. Therefore sleep is for the weak, since apparently I don't have any need of restful, rejuvenating sleep. This is usually one of those days that I can shake the anger off or dull it with sugar, chocolate or Midol.

Today however there wasn't any getting out of it. The demon was right below the surface and I even glimpsed it in my seemingly incandescent eyes this morning. I hadn't glanced in the mirror first thing. I hit the switch for the softer lights and started washing my face. When I looked up my normally icy pale blue eyes were very blue, an electric blue full of sparks. Have you ever flinched looking into your own eyes? Yeah, it was like that. I've battled my anger issues for years and I started putting up the walls as I got dressed, trying to wall away the bubbling malaise.

These are the reasons I tend to not have much to do with people in general. I hate to say it but I'm easily pissed off, especially if you try to deny something I've asked or said to you on more than one occasion and then try to tell me I'm overreacting when there isn't any emotion whatsoever coming from me. These are the things that started chipping at the walls and eventually they started to crack.

I even tried apologizing when I wasn't at fault other than possibly being more blunt than usual. Yes, more blunt. Color me sarcastic.

I started out having a strained feeling in my left-eye after awhile and that triggered the wonderful news from the optometrist yesterday which was a touch worrying. (Apparently my astigmatism is bad enough that lasik won't help my left eye at all, I'd have to get cataract surgery and in my mid-40s I risk the retina detaching. YAY!) I took an Advil and moved on with my day. The demon was still there, happily watching through my eyes, straining the need to be polite to my coworkers. I think those I talk to often enough knew there was a problem today because I was even more quiet than I am normally and didn't really involve myself in conversations with anyone. These are the days I wish I had a real office with a real door that I could close and lock. I don't even have a proper cubicle. If I want to hide I have to go visit someone. This doesn't really compute when I need to stay away from people due to overflowing anger issues. (Why yes, I was typing that with my head tilted to the right, as if listening to the voices because they had a good idea... )

Today I specifically moved through each task, taking my time to make sure they were done properly, to keep myself busy, ferociously segregated from others as much as possible. I wasn't the only one having a bad day, though, which is somewhat of a comfort. Perhaps it was just one of those days where everyone feels like 'holy hell what am I doing here' which 99.9% of the people experience.

I didn't take any Midol because I'm only currently carrying one. I did get a piece of chocolate from the kitchen. There's a huge weightloss contest going on right now so everyone is bringing in all their sweets (those that are participating anyway) so they can get them out of their house, so the rest of us are bombarded with 'here have some candy' all day. I have decent willpower, even on days I want to get my 2x4 and beat people with it until the walls bleed.

Yes, it was one of those days. I even asked if I could have it. I was told no. That's right, I was told no. The normal response is a laugh and being told it's in back in the corner or sure I'll bring it up for you. (Of course it never does get brought up, but that's a *good* thing.) I gave one of those squinty 'you just told me no' looks and tried to pull the 'why would you tell me no' look (it failed). That's when I was told this person considered me to be in a Vicious Mindset and that's why I couldn't have it. I agreed, I had been in a very vicious mood today. I wanted to turn the walls red. But I didn't. I did my work and I checked it. I was cordial to everyone who called the office when I covered the desk. I finished my tasks for the day, on time, and came home.

I've been sitting here typing this out, looking at facebook, twitter, listening to IHeartRadio to help me calm down... oh yeah and drinking some fruity V8 splash with vodka. Yes, I like vodka. I do prefer Smirnoff. Which means if you get a bottle or a case (nothing opened please) and don't like it, send it to me.

So that was pretty much how I felt today without any detail as to who or what caused it. Doesn't that make you so very happy? I'm sure. I hope anyone who reads this and feels like I do will take the time out of their busy day to find a way to control it, find a way to keep calm, don't do anything stupid. Stupid sends you to jail, gets you fired and many other horribly bad things. These are the reasons the walls are still beige.

Epiphany

2012-01-06T01:32:53Z

Even though I adored the Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) layout, I thought for the new year, why not yet another new look? So introducing the Zen of Disillusioned, inspired by my Zen calendar from 2011. Each month had beautiful flowers in some beautiful and calming arrangement all up close and personal with one word glowing to help induce calm, tranquility, peace and so forth. While I enjoyed the sentiment of the calendar it's very hard to find peace when there are little things that irk you through the day. Especially when they are everyday occurrences. So I thought I'd bring a little zen to Disillusioned and vice versa, give it my own bit of flair.

And I added in this extremely cute photo of Peanut, for which Little Lady yelled at me about since I didn't ask her to sign a release as Peanut's official 'momma' and all. I told her that I did have one signed and that Peanut took care of it, that the chicken scratch signature looked valid enough to me. Who was I to know she forged it?

Starting a new year, starting a new way of doing things. Instead of resolutions, I've decided to change up the word and call them "Motivations". Instead of resolving to do something I will motivate myself to do them. This layout didn't take as long as I thought it would. I think it actually took longer to find the photo than it did to create it. After I thought it was finished, and possibly going to be a 2 column layout instead of 3, I decided I wanted it to be a 3 column. I then went looking for something to put in the footer like I always do and found the Japanese Zen Symbol. After editing that, I saved it again. I saw how the orchids were reflected in the water and decided to see what it would look like to put a reflection action on Disillusioned. I changed the opacity to be a little lower than what the action set it at and then saved it again. Bam, it was done and we shall see what others think of it as well. Until next time, enjoy!

Welcome to 2012

2012-01-02T17:32:11Z

Welcome to the year 2012. The year in which so many people believe the world is going to end or have some other global disaster changes. Some people believe that this is the year if we don't all come to peace with each other that we'll end up missing out on some cosmic transcendental energy change.

Little Lady's best friend tells us all the time that she doesn't believe the Mayans could have predicted anything like the end of the world since they believed people were made of corn. That's right, you heard it. You are what you eat, right? Right.

However, there is the possibility that if we don't find a way for all of us to get along there will be a global change, we'll all be glowing in the dark or melting into puddles of goo thanks to nuclear radiation. There are so many reasons that people need to learn how to accept each other for who they are and what they believe in. I strive to do this every day. If someone is jumping down my throat about their beliefs it's really hard to not yell at them to shut up and leave me alone. While I am not a very religious person in a secular way, I do have ideas about what might be next for us. After this life ends for me, I sure as hell hope I get to choose the next one because that sure would be fun. If there isn't anything else after this life.. well it was fun while I was here. Somewhat anyway.

There are so many things I refuse to discuss. Politics, for one, because I don't feel well-informed enough to do so. Religion, because I have too many things against organized religion to follow it. I feel therefore I am. I don't feel that I accomplished much more than reading a ton of books and then not taking the time to review them here. That just means I get to read them again, much faster, and then write down all the wonderful things they make me feel. I also have a friend and coworker who is interested in doing book reviews, so I may restart up the book reviewing blog with a whole new name and look at some point. She reads completely different sagas than I do, so you'll get to experience a whole new type of reading without having to buy the book first.

My word for 2012 is Motivation. Now, if I could just find out where I put it, I'll start doing all kinds of things I want to do this year. The top one on that list is to take more photos. To carry my camera with me at all times and just to snap whenever I happen to see something. The camera on my phone isn't bad but it isn't all that great either. The second on my list is to actually write those book reviews in a way that they are enlightening without being spoilers. Third is to seriously start exercising more. Not to lose weight, just to be more healthier and to gain more muscle. It's also to help me be more energetic because I'm also getting that 2:30 feeling at 8:30 in the morning. (Either that or I really do need to rid myself of a psychic vampire.) Fourth is to start blogging at least once a week. Even if it's just to recap that nothing really happened or what I made for dinner, it's got to be done. I was doing the 750 words a day at 750words.com for awhile. While I didn't have a problem doing it every day, it was finding the time to do it. I would always get distracted and end up forgetting. There's another thing for my list, be less distracted, make a list or some kind of alarm so that I do the things I want to actually accomplish. I feel better when I've put on a load of dishes or laundry and written a paragraph or two.

One of the major things I need to do, there's no getting out of it either, is to be more communicative. I am one of those people who, in general, just hates people. This doesn't include my family and friends, and there are people who are non-blood-related that I consider very close family. The problem is that even with these people I hold dearly in my black ice cold rock of a heart I don't communicate with them very often. I tend to wait for people to contact me first. Which doesn't always happen because they are busy with their lives, work, family, drama, other friends who are constantly in contact. I just don't feel I have all that much going on and talking about the same thing going on each and every day is less exciting than beating a dead horse. The people who are physically in my life... they don't read the same books. they don't have the same interests, they are more into reality television and the Kardashians than reading the latest installment of the Hollows Saga or watching The Vampire Diaries. I've always has a fantastical outlook on life and I have a fairly vivid imagination (if only I could get it out of my mind and onto digital paper... ).

So here it goes 2012. Motivation Required. Read and Review. Write a weekly post. Take more photos. Be better about Exercise. Communicate with the people I care about even though we don't have all that much in common other than loving each other like family. I have a whole year to accomplish these items, give or take a couple of days. Let's see how well I can do it.

(Graphic created by me, Creative Commons says you can use if you give credit - ie: link back.)

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-24T18:17:34Z

I hope everyone has a happy, safe and warm Christmas. May all your wishes come true this year.

Photo of the Day

2011-12-02T02:22:25Z

I didn't take this photo today. I took this photo before the Little Lady took the test for her license when we were driving around ~~getting lost~~ having an adventure. I told her just to drive, drive anywhere she felt like going. It was mid-afternoon, the day was chilly and we were driving down this one road where there weren't any posted speed limit signs. She always asks me what the speed limit is. There's no sign, how am I supposed to know? We take a guess and we are usually slower then what the actual speed limit is. Luckily there haven't been any officers around to stalk us and figure out what's going on. We ended up all over the place on this day. It was a good day for driving. Traffic didn't seem too bad, though people tend to ride on her ass regardless what speed she is going.

It makes me laugh that there weren't any posted signs regarding the speed limit since on the way to work there are an excess of speed limit signs every where you look. Sometimes I think the signs have actually procreated because when you see them in a really stupid place, such as behind a utility pole (Yeah) where you can't see it until you're right up on it, or stopped at the light at the right point, kind of makes it a bad spot for a sign.

One of our more favorites though is the Reduced Speed Ahead sign after the speed has already been reduced to 25. That's right, there's a sign literally 2 minutes after saying that the speed is about to be reduced again, yet it isn't, it's still 25 because it would just be stupid to make it any lower than that.

The same week the ~~child~~ Little Lady got her license she was gone most of the week. Wednesday she went to church, then Thursday she had something else going on. Friday she had friends stay the night and they went to the mall and Wally World. (Which reminds me, dear Wally World employees. There's no need to stare and glare at my responsible teenager and her friends when she's buying things like eggs and toilet tissue. *I* made her buy them. So don't do it again.) After that they came home, played games, half-watched movies and then passed out somewhere in the wee hours of the night.

I've had more alone time in the past week than I have had in a year, but that is mostly because her friend's parents tend to be ... well I am not sure, they tend to sleep all day and not pay attention, they don't work and I tend to get stuck lugging their kids around when there is a group project going on and no offers of returning such favors.

So I'm thrilled that the Little Lady got her license. She ever passed her test without missing any points on driving or maneuverability! I hope everyone has a responsible teenager like I do. Although I worked very hard to make her that way.

(Non)Working Relationships

2011-11-30T00:02:11Z

I'm sure some people out there have experienced some of the things I have when it comes to relationships. Such as having someone you're with or a parent who says something along the lines of "I just can't sleep when there are dirty dishes in the sink!" and literally have a conniption fit about it, but they won't personally do anything about it. Even after you've worked 8 hours, stopped at the store for shit they needed and (of course) didn't pay you back for the purchase. They whine and cry how messy something is but they don't think that if they utilize that energy to help out around the house instead will be much more productive than complaining to someone who (perhaps hasn't been on their feet all day long) has been dealing with customers yelling or calling repeatedly because they ~~are too stupid and lazy~~ absolutely refuse to leave a voice mail for their contact.

Not all of the positions I have had in the past have been extremely stressful each and every day, but it always seemed on the days that were particularly trying those would be the same days where I needed to stop somewhere on the way home or as soon as I got home I was also expected to start dinner, do dishes and whatever other chores needed doing the moment I walked in. These things got very trying, especially since there were three adults at the time and one child. I felt as if I had three children and no help whatsoever.

There were (obviously) some volcanic blow-ups over this as well. I got so stressed out that I ended up causing myself physical pain. Pain that ended up becoming much more severe after doing 10 loads of laundry one weekend (no help!) and seriously straining my left shoulder to the point that I tore some muscle and pinched a nerve. Oh the nerve!

Unfortunately, I still suffer from that injury and if I overtax myself, even after starting a ~~somewhat~~ very random exercise regimen. I feel it when I pick up grocery bags that are too heavy for me. I feel it when I pick up a container of kitty litter. I have to make sure that I don't do anything after I feel the indicator signs that I'm overdoing it, otherwise I wake up unable to move in the morning. If you've ever woken up unable to move and in serious pain, you know how awful it feels to get up and go get ice and then try to lay back down with the ice in the proper placement (because it's just no damn good if it isn't in the right place).

I've tried following FlyLady and while I'm supposed to just 'jump in wherever' it doesn't always work for me. It's a rare day where I walk in the house and feel like I want to continue to move. Even though I sit all day long, other than walking to see the supervisor or see someone about a project, or walking around the warehouse on break so that I can get some movement in, I come home and sit. And sit some more.

One habit I have accomplished of achieving each and every day (minus a day here and there, like my birthday) is making my bed. I love, Love, LOVE having my bed made and crawling into it at night. It makes me feel good. I get seriously discombobulated when the Little Lady crawls into my bed (because she just couldn't resist since it looked SO COMFY) and then doesn't remake it. There was one time she made an attempt at remaking it, which is more than she usually tries, but I noticed because I could see the sheet underneath practically all balled up and lumpy. It's very hard for me not to want to strangle her.

I am not a perfectionist or even OCD about anything. If you walked in here (which you better have called before coming over depending on who you are) you'd see clutter and probably a glass or three in the living room depending on if they got taken into the kitchen before bed. I keep trying to form good habits but it doesn't always help and when there's only one adult who is gone around 10 hours a day and one teenager who has a ton of homework after school (and tends to pass out shortly after getting home) things tend to get a little behind. Every day I try to load the dishwasher but it doesn't always happen. Laundry gets done on the weekend unless I ran out of time due to running errands. Grocery shopping gets done on payday Wednesday (which we all know is almost better than a Friday).

I feel that if I try to do something one day, such as today I put on a load of dishes, cleaned off and scrubbed the counters, shined the stove and sprayed the microwave to get it ready to be scrubbed (it's still waiting on me) then I swept the floor. Tomorrow I'll probably come home and collapse into the chair or onto the couch because I'll be putting in extra time tomorrow and Thursday to get a project done and make up hours. Should be interesting to say the least.

Still, coming home to a house that is a bit cluttered, or on really heavy duty days down right dirty, is a lot easier to deal with then walking in the door and being berated about the state of the household, the bills, the laundry, the cat puking (but we didn't clean it up because it's not our cat) oh and you need to make dinner because I'm starving as of ten minutes ago issues.

Finally

2011-11-29T00:28:50Z

So the Little Lady is now a licensed driver! Not only is she licensed, though, she's also a good driver. So you won't have to worry about her running over your mailbox or tailgating you. Although, like myself, she may choose to run down your dog if the damn thing is in the road and won't move. Erhm.

The past 7 days I have been hearing 'Mom, do you think I'll pass?' and I'd reply, 'Of course.' Obviously I am unbelievable. Hey but I am right! Not only did she pass, she passed without missing any points at all. She's broken the family curse of failing at least one portion of the test, I mean who doesn't fail at least one part? I'm just glad she's licensed and I don't have to drive her around anymore.

Also, we put up the tree. We didn't change the theme though so it looks exactly the same as last year. Which is fine with me, it's a very pretty tree. Thanksgiving was excellent. After an amazing meal (and my cupcakes for dessert because pie is so overrated and I dislike it) we watched Mars Needs Moms. It wasn't a half-bad movie. Didn't care for the one guy, but that was his background, the semi-dis-likable but did the right thing guy.

My writing expedition over at www.750words.com is getting harder and harder. I'm supposed to write whatever happens to run through my head in any manner that it comes out. It's a lot more difficult to do that than you think. Especially, if you tend to just put things out of your mind. I do that all the time. "Gotta do the dishes." -Put out of mind until later.- "Gotta vacuum." -Just do it later, it really doesn't need to be done.-

Eventually everything gets taken care of, just on a slower more relaxed schedule than the rest of me wants it done. Not much else is going on around here and I like it that way. No drama, no fighting, just relaxed and quiet. Hope each and every one of you are having the same type of evening.

Gimme a Draft

2011-11-17T23:41:56Z

So I noticed that I hadn't written an official entry since the Little Lady's birthday (which I showed to her). I did however write a couple of draft entries, and they'll probably end up staying that way because they are mostly full of bitching, moaning, whining and complaining. I don't really want to post all my nasty annoying tidbits about everything that annoys me or irks me at every turn, because just to put it out there, a lot of things annoy me. I try to just let it roll off me but it doesn't always happen that way.

Then I read an article from LifeHacker about writers and some tools they could use. One of them being about 750words.com. This site is for people to go to and write every day, something private (preferably in the morning before the day is started) and write out whatever happens to pour out of their mind. There is a word count at the bottom and it lets you know when you've reached your 750 words. You can continue writing after that if you wish or you can stop there. You can go there more than once a day and you'll be in the same post (as far as I know).

So far I've written every morning, missing Saturday and Sunday this past weekend. That kind of sucks because you earn badges as you go for your streaks. They are fairly random and so forth but cute for the most part. It's kind of a way to get you to try and find out what's next. You can also sign up for the challenge they put on each month. I'm not sure if it's just writing every day or if there is more to it. Again, no one sees what you write except for you.

The coolest part is that if you write honestly about what is going on with you and through your mind, the stats will tell you in a lot of ways how you fair against the past, present, future and world. They'll tell you what kind of rating you have (I currently have an R rating, oops) and tell you what different emotions are affecting you, how much and how it compares to the world.

I even recommended it to two friends and so far one has tried it. I hope it's helping her deal with her grief over losing a beloved family member. She was having issues because whenever she would have a fleeting thought about him she would get emotional and felt she had no one to talk to in her family about it and it was as if they simply moved on with their lives and left her behind with this huge ball of sadness.

I feel that there are things that I don't want everyone to know and these are also things that people don't really care to know. So, they'll go there and hopefully I'll find other things to entertain everyone who's kind enough to stop by here. Enjoy!

17 Year Long Roller Coaster Ride

2011-11-09T23:12:15Z

Today, officially, at 12:27AM my baby girl, my Little Lady as I refer to her here, turned 17. To be honest, it's been rough. I hate roller coasters. I refuse to ride them for the most part and the only roller coaster I have been on {except when my sister forced me to ride the Big Dipper} (still only semi-willingly) is the little RoadRunner at Geauga Lake or Six Flags or whatever it happens to be called today. The only reason I went on was to take her. She didn't want to go alone and well, I thought she should go, so I went. I even hated that little roller coaster. The way they throw you around from side to side, shaking you until your innards are turned to a slimey goo, is just too much for me. I prefer crazy things that I have a little more control over, or trust in the person operating them.

While we have, like every other family, had our ups and downs, she is the best thing I've ever created, molded, argued with, loved, snuggled and laughed with. She might not be exactly sure what she wants to do with her life just yet, she is only 17 and there's really no rush as long as she makes an effort to get out there and try things, she will be a productive member of society. She's good at so many different things, from hair and makeup, to taking photos and editing them, to debating not just her view, but both sides of an argument to the point that people dislike following her. Even the teacher feels bad for them and tells them that. She tries her best to go near the end of that class just so others get a chance to make a good point.

Little Lady works very hard at everything she does, she puts her all into it. She's not entirely a control freak, but she does have her moments, she wants everything to be perfect. She knows that good grades and good relationships with her teachers (for those recommendation letters) are the best way to get into good colleges (once she figures out just what it is she wants to do).

In this photo below we were at Mill Creek Park at one of their information centers. It looks like she's about to kiss a bear. Some people actually asked her if it was a real bear. Others asked her if it was a dog who looked like a bear (because there are dogs that are that big that somewhat look like a bear). This is one of my favorite moments to think of her in because she's having fun, being herself and that day was a fantastic day full of hiking, learning, friends and great food. (Gotta have great food to make a great day!)

So happy birthday baby, which you'll always be even if you're 80 and I'm 97. Deal with it, it's my right.