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Say vs Do

This is a seriously opinionated post. I'm turning comments off.

Funny vs Mean

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mean.jpgI see this meme all the time. I see it on facebook, I see it on twitter. This image I found over on pinterest. But, seriously, I have probably seen this a thousand and one times over the past several months.

I am quite sure that I have shared it at some point. You probably have as well. Seeing this phrase may have even made you chuckle a little and think 'yeah, that's me!' but did you stop and think about why? Are you really a mean person?

I consider myself a mean person and there are several people who know me will tell you outright that I am not mean at all. However, these people don't see the inner me, they see the public me. They don't know who I am inside my head. So when I say "I'm not really nice." I actually do mean it. 

The number of times I have had people try to contradict me on this statement astounds me. They do it because I have done something nice or without arguing. I covered their ass. I did an assignment for them. I helped them out with a project. That's why they think I am a nice person. What they don't know is that I complain inside my head (and on twitter) about things that would probably make them blush, or make them outright angry.

Let me introduce you to a saga by Jacqueline Carey called Kushiel's Legacy. In the second set of books she officially introduces you to Imriel in depth. This is after he's been rescued from a nightmare of being abused and tortured in the previous book. His goal is very simple. All you have to do is pick up Kushiel's Scion and read the back. It states "I will try to be good." That is his goal in life. It isn't wanting to be good. It isn't even being good. He says I will TRY. He will make an effort to be good. 

That is how I feel. I try to be good. Good to myself, good to others. 

I try to make good decisions. I try not to let the way other people treat me affect who I am, but that's a crock, right? Everyone everywhere is affected by something someone else has done or said. If they weren't, then we would be a bunch of emotionless automatons. I feel, therefore I exist. I have emotions, therefore I feel. I am broken, because I have been hurt.

We have such a great capacity to hurt others. There doesn't even have to be any form of actual gain to the person doing the hurting. Have I hurt people? Yes. I have hurt people. Did I do so intentionally? Sometimes, yes I damn well did. Do I feel bad about hurting someone intentionally? See, there's the rub. Not always. I have reasons for the things I do and yes, I know it's not right to hurt others, but then there's that lovely phrase "I will try to be good." and that is what I do. I try, and try again. 

We have so many chances to try to be good. To make good choices. Unfortunately, when it comes to making good choices, it isn't always clear cut whether or not the choice you make will actually turn out to be a good choice. It could be an instant knowledge that "Yes! That was an excellent choice." and then there are the "Oh, holy crap, what the fuck just went sideways and WHY?"

I will always try to be good, but like any human, I am an imperfect being and there are times where I fail utterly to be good. Let's take something I learned from a little movie called Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Be Excellent To Each Other. If you can't do that, then try to be good. 

Life and Love

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If all you look for in life and love is a pretty package, all you'll find is misunderstanding, loneliness and resentment. Not only in the person you are with but also within yourself.

Said by Me.

I happened to reply to a tweet about the reality shows The Bachelor/Bachelorette the other day about if they need a tv show to find love how is there hope for the rest of us. I replied "if you need to go on a tv show to show just how undateable you are that's when you're totally lost". Now, let me explain a little more. I don't watch these shows. I rarely watch reality tv at all. I hate reality tv because it's a lie. There is nothing real about it at all. However, I don't have cable and I don't have DVR or TiVo so if I watch actual television, instead of Netflix, Hulu, etc, I end up seeing commercials for these shows. Just the commercials put me off of them. There is so much drama just in the commercials it makes me want to change the channel. 

 I think a lot of what's wrong with the country we live in today is the fact that people watch these reality tv shows and think it is appropriate to act like the people do on tv. They have warnings when watching MythBusters for a reason. McDonald's had to put a warning on their hot coffee cups due to someone's stupidity. There are a lot of days I agree with the ecard/meme going around that says remove all warning labels and notices so that natural selection and common sense can take place.

To get back to the story, there was a reply made saying something along the lines of not everyone can look like me. To which I replied the first portion of my quote up top. Honestly though, if you have become a person who can't find anyone to date maybe there is something wrong with you and perhaps you need a little time being single and finding out who you are or want to become. Sometimes that might include professional help, but not always. I would recommend professional help if you're having trouble dealing with stress and anxiety about being single. 

Life isn't about to get any easier unless we learn that how we treat others and how we treat objects are two seriously confused things right now. 

Don't be the Biatch at the Beach

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westbranchbeach.jpgThat photo to the left is quite deceiving as it was an amazingly perfect beach day on Sunday. It was the first time this summer that I have gotten to go to the beach with the way the weather has been lately. I enjoy going to the beach, I really do. I get to do a little swimming. I get to float and let the waves bob me along and I get to lay on a blanket outside and close my eyes without much notice. Now, don't get me wrong. I do not sleep when I'm at the beach. There are too many people around for that sort of thing. 

Also, there are too many yelling and screaming parents accompanied by crying children as well. I just don't understand. You take kids to the beach so that you can tell them to go play and then what? You sit in your chair screaming and yelling at them to stop doing this or that. What was the point of leaving the house if you're just going to scream and yell at your kids? They just want to play in the sand. Why aren't you playing in the sand with them? They want to go swimming. Why aren't you in the water with them? Oh, right, you have to smoke that cigarrette. Or perhaps you're too tired. I just don't see the point of taking your children out into the world for any reason if all you're going to do is sit there, bitch to your friend about how much life sucks while yelling at your kids in between whining sessions. So why don't we try something new, mmmkay? The night before bringing your children, who just want to play in the sand and splash in the water, to the beach you go to bed an hour or so earlier. Maybe then you'll have the energy to swim with them and build sand castles with them instead of just yelling at them from your chair.  Why have kids if you aren't going to enjoy them?

Good Morning, Monday

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smiley.jpgYes, another Monday has arrived and with it the sun is shining brightly, the birds are chirping merrily and the people are just as annoying as always. Why does Monday bring such hate? Now, don't get me wrong, Monday is definitely not my favorite day of the week. However I try my best to get through it with as little drama and crazy as possible. That's not so easy when more than half of the people around you are whining that it's yet another manic Monday. Most days leave me wondering how people breathe without having to constantly think about it, but Monday... well, I have to remember to breathe to get through it myself. Controlled breathing, so that I don't fly off the handle and beat someone with my phone or stab them with the scissors. Those things land you in bad places. And I look horrible in any prison color.

Sometimes listening to music helps. I turn on a random iHeart station on my phone in the morning to help me wake up. I listen to music through the day, especially if people are throwing their negativity around like shit hitting the fan. Most Mondays are slow for me so it seems extra hard to get through them. Everyone else is in their blah-die-blah mood and I'm just trying not to get caught in the crossfire. 

Today I can't seem to wake up though. I had my coffee. I have even eaten an orange. My sinuses are trying to drown me but I'm afraid that if I take something it will start to put me to sleep. That's the last thing I need since I already took a half a day off because of that very reason. Luckily, it is almost noon and that means it's almost over. I am so close to leaving that I can almost touch it.

I think I will be taking a little nap when I get home. Little Lady has to work today so that shouldn't be too difficult. Try to enjoy your Monday and if there is no way possible for you to do so then please do everyone around you a favor and keep your bad Monday vibes to yourself. 

About Disillusioned

Disillusioned is a personal view of the world around me. A lot of information will be about books I read, or shows/movies I watch but sometimes there will be something that simply has to be pointed out and shredded. With Joy.

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To contact me you can email me by way of disillusioned at, comments are open for business with approval.


About Chelle

Yeah, that's me! I am 25 37, I live in Ohio. I have one beautiful teenage daughter and one lovable cat. I enjoy writing, reading, television, anime and annoying my daughter. I'm also trying to learn Japanese because I want to visit Japan someday. Yes, I'm over 30 and I like anime, do you have an issue with that?

If you really wish to know even more about how fantastic I truly am, here you go: About Me

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Michelle C. Miller
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